I am so tired of living with a depressed wife

She is sitting there browsing her phone. That is why she paused the TV series she watches every day for hours.
She woke up during the night and was on her phone until she took the children to school. Obviously shouting with them why they were not ready on time.
She is full of fears. She fears of the future, fears of the financial situation, the future of the children. She cannot stand if something is not the way she wants. Interestingly she has energy to shout and yell. Several times a day.

But I am tired. I am tired of working in multiple jobs. I am tired of doing a full time work and running my business in after hours. I am tired of being neglected and ignored. I am tired of being forgotten. I am tired of working on positivity with children after they flooded with negativity from their mother.
I am tired of life. This life.

She is sitting there. I am looking at her. I know somewhere below the surface there is that woman I loved. The one who was fun, intellectually exciting, full of energy and positivity. Even sexy, mind you. I have not seen that woman for more than 10 years.

Nothing I do can change her way. Well, it's not entirely true, because I really can make things worse if I wanted. But I can't do anything to improve the situation. The best I can do is to conserve it. But I don't want it. I want a new life. We learned in Biology you can start a new life whitout closing another. That is a lie.

You have to kill something first to start something new. You know what most people fear to become a criminal? The guilt. Not the legal consequences.
My wife is dependending on me. At the minimum, financially. I can't do it.

I lost this life. Maybe the next one will be luckier.

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

You’re obviously in a very challenging situation in which there are no easy answers. Couple things crossed my mind. How does living this way affect the mental health of your children? Surely can’t be good for them. And seeing you sacrifice your life for them certainly does them no favors. What if anything could create a rock bottom for your wife? Right now she’s comfortable in her misery, it feels safe. And she faces no consequences for staying that way. No, you can’t change her behavior but you can change your own. You call threatening her with divorce dirty but I actually see that as an option worth considering. Could save lives, yours, your children’s and hopefully hers as right now it’s depression that’s calling the shots. And if there’s a bottom line here, it’s whose well being should be prioritized. In my book it’s those children.

justanotherone · 51-55, M

@OlderSometimesWiser The thing is obviously I can write down everything from the last 10 years. And as always there are a lot of details and angles. For example when you live with someone for long and problems building up slowly sometimes it is difficult to say it is depression or she is like this person. For example that she has no patience for children is not from depression but from her personality. And we have a lot arguments about how to raise children. And it doesn't mean I am always right. But at least they have all the fun with me and almost none with their mom. Beside I am the one who can sit with them and learning together because I have the patience. She takes them to school and clubs but that is usually with strict focus on responsibilities. This is not from depression. You can say I might not chose the right wife but I didn't know all of these before the children born. I don't know when it will not be tolarable any more I will move.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@justanotherone But no matter how you label her, is this situation, as is, healthy for your children? What kind of relationship are you modeling for them? Better for them to be from a broken home than to live in one.

Also the line is very blurry between what’s her personality and what’s depression. Especially without a professional evaluation. But from what you’ve described, there’s a significant amount of depression involved and a need to do something different.

justanotherone · 51-55, M

@OlderSometimesWiser I agree with you.