I am so tired of living with a depressed wife

She is sitting there browsing her phone. That is why she paused the TV series she watches every day for hours.
She woke up during the night and was on her phone until she took the children to school. Obviously shouting with them why they were not ready on time.
She is full of fears. She fears of the future, fears of the financial situation, the future of the children. She cannot stand if something is not the way she wants. Interestingly she has energy to shout and yell. Several times a day.

But I am tired. I am tired of working in multiple jobs. I am tired of doing a full time work and running my business in after hours. I am tired of being neglected and ignored. I am tired of being forgotten. I am tired of working on positivity with children after they flooded with negativity from their mother.
I am tired of life. This life.

She is sitting there. I am looking at her. I know somewhere below the surface there is that woman I loved. The one who was fun, intellectually exciting, full of energy and positivity. Even sexy, mind you. I have not seen that woman for more than 10 years.

Nothing I do can change her way. Well, it's not entirely true, because I really can make things worse if I wanted. But I can't do anything to improve the situation. The best I can do is to conserve it. But I don't want it. I want a new life. We learned in Biology you can start a new life whitout closing another. That is a lie.

You have to kill something first to start something new. You know what most people fear to become a criminal? The guilt. Not the legal consequences.
My wife is dependending on me. At the minimum, financially. I can't do it.

I lost this life. Maybe the next one will be luckier.