IT'S SO TIRING

Dear D, I don't want to be dramatic but I guess I really need to rant for just a moment now. After I had conversation with my bestie I realized that I hurt my self that much chasing guy and gaslighting myself that he will change, it's so unfair for me because I really do like him and I am willing to understand him, I always gave him a chance numerous times because I think he can change how he treat me. I want to be treated right, I want to feel that I am valuable, that I am enough but it turns out that I always beg him to do that for me which is so tiring, I reject others just because I want to choose him but I didn't feel him, I did not feel my worth when I'm with him, it's really hard. I pitied myself for that, I know my worth I don't want to be treated like this, I deserve better I see no improvement with our relationship I am so tired.