Okay, so I'm not sure what you did over the weekend, but spent most of it with my girlfriend and she provided for me a new experience. Unfortunately, the end of the weekend was not so cool ... we had a big blowout fight despite having an amazing weekend. 🤦♀️
Let me start at the beginning...
I flew home Friday night / Saturday morning on a red-eye flight. Normally I can sleep well on planes so this isn't typically a problem. This time, however, I got less than an hour of sleep which really messed up my adjusting to the time zone change. SO I arrived home tired and cranky. She arrived at my place shortly after and immediately noticed my condition and pulled out some blankets for us to snuggle on my couch (she knows I would refuse to go to bed during the day - I just don't do this). We woke up a few times during this extended daytime nap and wore ourselves out again only to fall back asleep. It was a nice welcome home! ;)
We went out to a nice quiet dinner. We talked about going dancing, but given the plans for Sunday it was jointly decided that we would get a good night's rest. Sunday's plan, entirely assembled by her for me as a no-occasion gift, was to rent two motorcycles and go for a ride. We decided to ride south through Providence (where we both attended university) and around Narragansett Bay (see map below).
Approximate reconstruction of our route from Foxboro down through Providence and the West Bay shoreline to Fort Wetherill State Park and then up the East Bay shore and back to Foxboro.
The bike I road was ideal for me! As many of you know, I'm on the smaller side being only 5'1.5" tall (156cm). My girlfriend let the dealer know this and they had a bike picked out for me. I had never heard of the brand, but it was from "Indian Motorcycles" and was a Scout model. I'm told that if you know motorcycles (I don't) then those names would mean something to you. All I can say is that it fit me and my short legs perfectly and road soooo comfortably.
After an hour of training and testing at the dealer's lot we were free to head into the wind. And head into the wind we did. As you can see from the map we had many stretches along the shoreline. What an amazing experience this was! I've had a few but very few experiences on motorcycles in my life and this daylong excursion riding freely into the wind was incredible. Despite taking it very easy as two beginners, it was still an adrenaline rush and those of you who know me, know that I'm an adrenaline junkie. So huge gf-points to Alex for arranging this for me.
So what happened at the end?? What caused the blowout fight I mentioned? Ugh ...
Over the last few weeks and months there's been a few points of "irritation" in our otherwise blissful relationship. She wants to move things along by moving in together; I'm less enthusiastic about sharing my space. She wants me to pull back from my career which requires a ton of travel and can, at times, be less than perfectly safe; and I feel I am at a place that I have worked very hard for ten years to get to. These points of friction hit a peak when I was hurt back in early March.
Fast forward to this perfect weekend of bliss and after our ride as we were driving back home she made a comment about the fact that I can fulfill my adrenaline needs here at home. I don't need to travel off to crazy places to get my fix.
I got quiet. Thought it through. So she arranged this whole day, this amazing day together, just to show me that I don't need a crazy job to get my adrenaline fix??? She evidently thought I do what I do just for the rush??? I was steaming inside. She was asking what was wrong? Why did I get quiet? What did she say? Ugh. Anyway, the second half of our hour ride back to her car was spent arguing. She got in her car quite upset and drove home. I haven't spoken to her yet today. So no idea where we stand at the moment.
A big part of me thinks she would be better off if we did end up breaking up at this point. Don't get me wrong, I do love her deeply and I know she loves me as well. But sometimes, when two people see life differently, love is actually not enough. I know that I can't give her the future that I know she wants and craves. Would she settle for me? Probably. Actually she has been settling over the past year for what I have to offer in a relationship. But this isn't fair to her. So, idk, a lot going on in my head right now. This is just an update for all of you. 😔
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SW-User
Realistically, how much longevity do you have in your career at this pace? Will it always be travel heavy, or would you eventually be transitioned to a more static office environment role if you were to be promoted enough times?
If that were to happen, would you be happy with that, or would you look for another job where you can continue traveling and not have to be in one place?
I guess you need to have a conversation with her about what you really want, and what she really wants. And you also need to think about how long you’re going to continue to want what you really want right now, given that nothing ever stays the same. If you pass on this relationship, and then get worn down from all the travel after a few more years….or if the Government decides that they have different needs for you (which they can and will do in the blink of an eye regardless of whatever you put in)…would you look back on a decision to pass on the relationship with regret?
I’m sorry that you are in this place in your relationship. I hope the best for you guys.
@SW-User So my career goal here is to eventually work in the diplomatic service. That's why I studied International Relations undergrad. That's why I commissioned in the Navy after university. That's why I got my master's in Security Studies. Every decision I've made in the last ten years has been made in order to put me on the career path I'm on now. It's not about travel. If it was, I had a job offer after undergrad that would've paid a ton more money working for a London-based investment bank.
Yes, she and I need to talk. We know that and acknowledged that by text yesterday. That probably won't happen until tomorrow night. 🤷♀️
SW-User
@sarabee1995 But having a job where you must travel all the time does make for a good reason not to be able to get “too close” to someone else, does it not?
@SW-User Should I be laying back on a couch for this conversation?? 🤣
Lol, sorry, I know you're trying to help. But I don't need to look into my subconscious motivations to know that I like my me time. I had a CO once that wrote in an evaluation of me: "introverted loaner with exceptional observational and analytical skills." He told me after as we reviewed the eval that that skillset would serve me well in my career. 🙄
SW-User
@sarabee1995 I like my me time too. And I also don’t feel comfortable getting too close to people. And I’m largely a loner. And it has affected my relationships. But there’s always an underlying reason for everything.
@SW-User An underlying reason why I like my me time? Interesting. I've always just taken that aspect of me as a base fact. My mom saw it in me as early as 6/7 years old and its one of the reasons why they put me in taekwondo. I've never tried to figure out why I like/need alone time.
SW-User
@sarabee1995 You should try to understand yourself. Especially since that’s the person you are going to be spending the most time with.
