My brother is in a relationship where he is bullied

And has rules. I can call him but if his girlfriend is there he won't answer. If I actually get to talk to him that means she is either not home or he is driving somewhere and she's not around. Idk why he can't stick up for himself.

Yesterday was the anniversary of our sister's death. I posted a poem on FB. There were messages and heart emoji for me. But I saw my brother give a thumbs up. I started crying because my sister would be disappointed in him and I am too. Anyone have any insight of why he stays with a woman like that?

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Muthafukajones · 46-50, M

Low self esteem
Fear of being alone
Possibly financial ties of some kind

DancingStarGoddess ·

@Muthafukajones This. My best friend was in a relationship with someone like this for a few years and it was agony. Not being able to save him from it no matter what I said or anything... The calls where he could not talk even if we were gaming, her in the background breathing down his neck. He was terrified of being alone.. starting over, embarrassed to admit things to anyone but me. He does indeed have low self esteem as well. You're spot on.

Coldplay · 61-69, M

Bummer. He needs to GET OUT!!

OlderSometimesWiser · F

That’s very sad, I’m so sorry. First thought that occurs me is that he doesn’t feel he deserves any better.

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melissa001 · 51-55, F

@OlderSometimesWiser I've been talking to him since she moved about why he stays in that relationship. He just blows it off and trys to defend her. He was in the hospital with COVID and was almost put on a ventilator. He nearly died. So since she was not aloud in the hospital because of COVID I talked to him everyday. He seems so much happier and open about about our conversations. But he made excuses for why she acts that way. She had a job when she moved in but quit soon after. For almost 5 years she never worked. This year she finally got a job. IDK why.
My brother broke his back before he met her and it has given him problems since then. His job was with AT&T climbing poles. So eventually couldn't work. He eventually lost his job. His back hurts so bad that he is now on disability. And I don't think they are making ends meet, so she had to get a job.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@melissa001 Wow, he’s been through a lot. That can really make a person feel vulnerable. Being disabled, in pain, unable to work, financially stressed, certainly doesn’t seem like he’d be in a position to find someone else, the thought of being alone must seem quite scary. She might just feel like the lesser of the two evils. Trauma such as he’s been through can really change people.

melissa001 · 51-55, F

@OlderSometimesWiser very true. Thank you.

Guardian

Yup, he is in an abusive relationship, like I was. I was emotionally and physically abused by my Ex-wife. He has 'battered wife syndrome'. If you want to know more DM me!

GeniUs · 56-60, M

Alrighty we need to snatch him back and put him into hiding for a while.

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GeniUs · 56-60, M

@melissa001 Ok here's the story; he's taken a blow to the head and lost his memory, no matter what he just can't remember her and meeting this person as she is now he just doesn't have any feelings for her. I suspect he still remembers the 'good times' but meeting her without those as a point of reference she is just a stranger.