What can I even say?

I’m currently 8 months pregnant. Boyfriend moved in with me and my father and Brother about 5 months ago. These past couple of weeks have been extremely hard for me as pains have been increasing and discomfort as well. I’m a high risk pregnancy so doctors have mentioned me stopping work but I respond with “I’m not able to afford to stop”.
I told my sister and she’s furious with my boyfriend. He’s a barber and he has weeks where he either gets a great amount of work or none. The past couple of weeks he’s maybe earned $500 after booth rent. It’s not a great business but it’s his career so I’ve supported it. But my sister thinks he could have stepped up and gotten a warehouse job (he’s certified). She’s upset that I’m having to work to help make ends meet because she thinks he’s not trying hard enough. If I’m going to be honest, he spends 8 hours at work just watching movies waiting for clients sometimes while I’m working with children at an after school program making a consistent hourly salary. It is upsetting when you compare. I also DoorDash on my days off and work a remote part time online job. I’ve had to pay for all the doctors and specialists appointments (except one which he constantly brought up).
The more I think of it the more upset I get.
I don’t want to stress and I honestly do want to quit already. But my boyfriend says “we can’t afford that” and honestly gets upset when I mention quitting. I feel stuck on what to say and do

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ineedadrink · 51-55, M

I agree with your sister. He can work warehouse for a paycheck & barber on the side. It's time he stepped up & let you rest up for the good of both you & baby.

Luckylu · 61-69, F

I take it where you are or the type of job you have doesn’t provide doctor mandated time off work options in benefits? If so, I’m sorry that is the case. If he isn’t pitching in now, don’t expect him to do so once the child is born. It is my experience that what they are when you meet them is what they are going forward. Expecting change in a person is useless because they will only change when they feel they need to, not when you do or circumstances deem it necessary. It is a sad truth about human nature. Are your father and brother helping out? If you are all living together there should be some balancing of the expenses that should ease your financial burdens. You didn’t mention them so I’m assuming they aren’t helping out. As family, I would hope they would help for the interim until you are out of risk. I would stand up to the boyfriend, if he isn’t willing to do what it takes to take care of you and the family he helped bring into existence, make him move out. It would at least ease the burden of having to feed him if his job barely provides enough. Believe me, I know what you are going through. I was with the father of my child, he didn’t work a single second we were together. Our child was not planned. All he would do is the fun stuff with her, and cook, finances because difficult due to his spending. I made an ultimatum, he either worked or he got out. In six months he was gone because he wouldn’t work. I was 42 when I became pregnant and the doctors considered it risky for my first pregnancy but not enough to warrant them asking me to stop working. I was healthy but they kept a special watch on me. I raised my daughter on my own after that and he still didn’t help financially. Thankfully, I had a good paying job until she was 15.

Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M

He needs to man-up and start taking responsibility.
Its hard work being a parent.

What does he think will happen after baby arrives ?
Is he prepared to stay home if you work ?
There are some tough realities to be faced here and he needs to be aware of them now !

Lupepnte

@Picklebobble2 no he just starts saying our moms can take care of her and basically putting responsibility on everyone else but himself

Wedgiegiver · MVIP

I have so many comments about this post. 1. If his job is not stable why stay with him. 2. Why let him get you pregnant if you knew it was not enough money he earns? 3. Why does he keep bringing up the appointment he paid for?

Lupepnte

@Wedgiegiver I’m not with him because of the amount of money he makes. It clearly wasn’t planned. And I’ve noticed he brings it up when I start asking him to chip in more towards baby stuff

rosyhills · 31-35, F

He needs to get a job with consistent pay.

Primnproper · 56-60, F

Hes not going to step up if you're handing it to him on a plate and making it easy.
Set some boundaries as hes taking liberties. If you and the baby mean that much to him he will step up, if he doesn't its best to find out now.

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Lupepnte

@splishsplash sadly I think tha tts the case with him. He hasn’t faced any realities and because he isn’t the pregnant one, he doesn’t feel the consequences

nacnud · 36-40, M

@splishsplash As someone who had to step up (spouse had to stop work due to ill health) I agree he needs to take responsibility that he will soon be a father and needs to step up. I know many now Dad's that had to make job changes to provide for the family. A compromise would be he takes the warehouse job but keeps the barbers as a adhoc job as well. This would help should for any reason the warehouse job not work out.

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