Am I bad at relationships? Is it me?
Years ago, I was a mentor to a teen girl in foster care. We connected and had a great relationship. She’s an adult now but we still keep in touch and are close and involved in each other lives.
After she became an adult, I decided I wanted to continue to be a mentor with this program and asked to be matched with another child. I got matched with a 12 year old girl and we started off good, but our personalities didn’t always click as she felt I didn’t understand her and didn’t help her. She would call me a liar when I wouldn’t bring her gifts she wanted. I was willing to work with her but she no longer wanted to talk or have visits with me so her social worker unmatched us.
I went back to the matching specialist and asked to be matched again. They matched me with a 15 year old girl. She was social but on the quiet side and I enjoyed visiting her. After a few months, when we’d have phone calls or see each other on video calls she wouldn’t speak. I’d try talking to her but she wouldn’t respond to me. After a few months of this kind of behavior her therapist said she didn’t want to talk as often. When I had an in person visit with the girl she told me she thought I was too loud and asked too many questions and was too enthusiastic. (I was probably enthusiastic because I was excited to see her. I know every person is different but the very first girl I was matched with, matched my enthusiasm with her personality so maybe that’s why we clicked? ) but back to this 15 year old. I told her is she didn’t want me visiting her that’s okay I respect that and not to worry that my feelings would be hurt, even though I enjoyed my time with her I told her she could lead the way of our relationship and make the decision. After that I never hear from her again.
After this girl I told the matching specialist what happened and I inquired about a girl who I thought we had many similar interests. This girl was 14 and we met at a book store with her social worker. Her worker said the girl wanted her privacy with me but she would be walking around the store incase we needed anything. This girl was really quiet but I thought maybe it’s because she was shy meeting each other for the first time. After the meeting, I spoke with the social worker and they told me that this girl did not feel a connection with me, but thanked me for offering to be her mentor.
Am I bad at relationships, are these teens just traumatized and these are the effects, or am I doing something wrong. Spending time with these youth and supporting them and building a relationship with them is something I’m very passionate about, so what should my next steps be?
To add to this the social workers told me some of them had disrupted adoptive placements or were feeling overwhelmed with previous mentors.
After she became an adult, I decided I wanted to continue to be a mentor with this program and asked to be matched with another child. I got matched with a 12 year old girl and we started off good, but our personalities didn’t always click as she felt I didn’t understand her and didn’t help her. She would call me a liar when I wouldn’t bring her gifts she wanted. I was willing to work with her but she no longer wanted to talk or have visits with me so her social worker unmatched us.
I went back to the matching specialist and asked to be matched again. They matched me with a 15 year old girl. She was social but on the quiet side and I enjoyed visiting her. After a few months, when we’d have phone calls or see each other on video calls she wouldn’t speak. I’d try talking to her but she wouldn’t respond to me. After a few months of this kind of behavior her therapist said she didn’t want to talk as often. When I had an in person visit with the girl she told me she thought I was too loud and asked too many questions and was too enthusiastic. (I was probably enthusiastic because I was excited to see her. I know every person is different but the very first girl I was matched with, matched my enthusiasm with her personality so maybe that’s why we clicked? ) but back to this 15 year old. I told her is she didn’t want me visiting her that’s okay I respect that and not to worry that my feelings would be hurt, even though I enjoyed my time with her I told her she could lead the way of our relationship and make the decision. After that I never hear from her again.
After this girl I told the matching specialist what happened and I inquired about a girl who I thought we had many similar interests. This girl was 14 and we met at a book store with her social worker. Her worker said the girl wanted her privacy with me but she would be walking around the store incase we needed anything. This girl was really quiet but I thought maybe it’s because she was shy meeting each other for the first time. After the meeting, I spoke with the social worker and they told me that this girl did not feel a connection with me, but thanked me for offering to be her mentor.
Am I bad at relationships, are these teens just traumatized and these are the effects, or am I doing something wrong. Spending time with these youth and supporting them and building a relationship with them is something I’m very passionate about, so what should my next steps be?
To add to this the social workers told me some of them had disrupted adoptive placements or were feeling overwhelmed with previous mentors.
