Checking phones in relationships

In the past I was betrayed in a relationship he cheated on me twice and would hide it through his phone and deny it. Now I feel the need to see everyone’s phones.
can cbt therapy or some type of therapy techniques help with me feeling the need to go through my partners phone? What techniques can I use when I feel the need to go through their phone? Why does it irritate me when I don’t know someone’s passcode, especially the person who I am in a relationship with? I feel like I need to know who they are talking to just so I don’t get caught off guard. Has anyone else experienced this?

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n0nam0u5 · 41-45, M

I struggled with this in a relationship once, so I understand how you feel. It can be hard to learn to trust again after you've had a negative experience.

The important thing us not to allow the negative experiences that we have gone through poison our present relationship. ][ understand that it might seem reasonable to expect your partner to be happy to put your mind at ease by letting you investigate their phone, but if they aren't behaving strangely then all such requests do is tell them that you don't trust them. It can really hurt a relationship if you aren't able to trust your partner. If you find that when they aren't around, or texting on their phone without mentiong who it is, then you need to be able to look calmly and objectively at the situation and realize that by immediately jumping to negative conclusions about the unknown, you are in effect telling your partner that you see him as untrustworthy and shallow. This will upset and frustrate him if he isn't doing anything wrong and it he will be insulted. As difficult as it may be for you, ][ would suggest against forcing the issue.

If your partner isn't being faithful, then your heart and a long list of things will make that obvious. Infidelity existed long before cell phones. A healthy relationship involves respecting your partner's boundaries, and trusting that they will always consider your feelings whether you are together or apart. Strong healthy and beneficial relationships require faith in your partner, and lack thereof, if it is based on a previous experience rather than anything he has said or done, is both irrational and unfair.