n0nam0u5 · 41-45, M
I struggled with this in a relationship once, so I understand how you feel. It can be hard to learn to trust again after you've had a negative experience.
The important thing us not to allow the negative experiences that we have gone through poison our present relationship. ][ understand that it might seem reasonable to expect your partner to be happy to put your mind at ease by letting you investigate their phone, but if they aren't behaving strangely then all such requests do is tell them that you don't trust them. It can really hurt a relationship if you aren't able to trust your partner. If you find that when they aren't around, or texting on their phone without mentiong who it is, then you need to be able to look calmly and objectively at the situation and realize that by immediately jumping to negative conclusions about the unknown, you are in effect telling your partner that you see him as untrustworthy and shallow. This will upset and frustrate him if he isn't doing anything wrong and it he will be insulted. As difficult as it may be for you, ][ would suggest against forcing the issue.
If your partner isn't being faithful, then your heart and a long list of things will make that obvious. Infidelity existed long before cell phones. A healthy relationship involves respecting your partner's boundaries, and trusting that they will always consider your feelings whether you are together or apart. Strong healthy and beneficial relationships require faith in your partner, and lack thereof, if it is based on a previous experience rather than anything he has said or done, is both irrational and unfair.
The important thing us not to allow the negative experiences that we have gone through poison our present relationship. ][ understand that it might seem reasonable to expect your partner to be happy to put your mind at ease by letting you investigate their phone, but if they aren't behaving strangely then all such requests do is tell them that you don't trust them. It can really hurt a relationship if you aren't able to trust your partner. If you find that when they aren't around, or texting on their phone without mentiong who it is, then you need to be able to look calmly and objectively at the situation and realize that by immediately jumping to negative conclusions about the unknown, you are in effect telling your partner that you see him as untrustworthy and shallow. This will upset and frustrate him if he isn't doing anything wrong and it he will be insulted. As difficult as it may be for you, ][ would suggest against forcing the issue.
If your partner isn't being faithful, then your heart and a long list of things will make that obvious. Infidelity existed long before cell phones. A healthy relationship involves respecting your partner's boundaries, and trusting that they will always consider your feelings whether you are together or apart. Strong healthy and beneficial relationships require faith in your partner, and lack thereof, if it is based on a previous experience rather than anything he has said or done, is both irrational and unfair.
No, I haven't.
I've been with Ari since 1982 and I know he's never been with another woman since before then. Basically, women love him as a friend but don't find him attractive.
If you don't want to be cheated, learn about the man's history before you get involved. Some men may learn from past mistakes, but most will continue to behave according to character. And choose someone who has similar values to yours.
You could also try a man who's a fair bit older. They're not immune to infidelity, but if you keep them sexually happy they'll be far less likely to wander. For most, their libido slowly falls as the years go by. The downside is they might end up with no desire while you're still keen.
Another option, one you might not like, is to just give up on the idea of monogamy. Create a pact with your partner that he won't get another woman pregnant or give you an STD - in other words, if he messes around he agrees to wear a condom.
And ask him to keep you first in his heart and to at least be honest with you if things change.
Jealousy can be a crippling and deadly emotion; it's really not worth the stress and suffering it causes.
However, I think checking phones is going WAY too far.
If you can't trust someone to tell you the truth then there's no point in being with them at all.
I agree with what n0nam0u5 said.
I've been with Ari since 1982 and I know he's never been with another woman since before then. Basically, women love him as a friend but don't find him attractive.
If you don't want to be cheated, learn about the man's history before you get involved. Some men may learn from past mistakes, but most will continue to behave according to character. And choose someone who has similar values to yours.
You could also try a man who's a fair bit older. They're not immune to infidelity, but if you keep them sexually happy they'll be far less likely to wander. For most, their libido slowly falls as the years go by. The downside is they might end up with no desire while you're still keen.
Another option, one you might not like, is to just give up on the idea of monogamy. Create a pact with your partner that he won't get another woman pregnant or give you an STD - in other words, if he messes around he agrees to wear a condom.
And ask him to keep you first in his heart and to at least be honest with you if things change.
Jealousy can be a crippling and deadly emotion; it's really not worth the stress and suffering it causes.
However, I think checking phones is going WAY too far.
If you can't trust someone to tell you the truth then there's no point in being with them at all.
I agree with what n0nam0u5 said.
solitaire · 41-45, F
Once you'll are in committed relationship the other person should be ok showing you their phone - they won't have anything to hide after all?
Muthafukajones · 46-50, M
New person new trust. You can’t keep checking phones. Have ever asked the person why they cheated? Change this things about yourself. That is the best way.
noexpectations1 · 41-45, M
Download and pay for Spyic, it'll let you read texts, phone calls, Whatsapp, etc. All without him knowing....OR...ditch the fucker!! Much better solution!