Is it even really possible to help people? I don't know if I think it is.

First of all, what is help? Really? Because when you try to force change on someone, even if it is a desperately needed change, they typically see that as violence and think you a tyrant or a bully.

And then some people are committed to being powerless; they have become so attached to their suffering that on a subconscious level they are uncomfortable with taking steps to end it.

And then we all have different ideas of what an "ideal lifestyle" is.

What if the person you would help isn't down with what you are trying to help them towards? Hell what if you're just flat out wrong about what is good for them?

People who specialize in addiction always say that you simply cannot help someone who doesn't want to change.

I would add that you really cant help someone who doesn't want to change, nor knows exactly how they would like to change...

And since very few of us know what we want i would say that very few can really be helped.

Perhaps the best you can do is give people the mental and physical resources they need to help themselves and just hope for the best? Have faith in them?

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Miram · 31-35, F

Can help but cannot solve their problems.

It is just like farming, you provide the tree with nutrients because the soil is too deficient, you try to use tricks to prevent plants from deteriorating and protect them from diseases..You try to manipulate the environment and it is only small amount compared to other outside forces that can interfere too..and the tree's quality to begin with. It can be fruitless, perish too soon no matter what you do because its growth been screwed all along, the quality of the seed, its history, the climate, a passing animal that decided to sabotage it, you being ignorant and using the wrong fertilizer..

We are external forces that may or may not be flowing in accordance to what's best for people. People are hard to figure out. Unfortunately their own decisions in response to whatever you provide isn't entirely informed or well equipped. There is much complexity in how all kinds of interferences play out in individual and larger scale,past, present, future.

We often mistake help for solutions. And interferences for help. Help comes from place of concern and perhaps more acknowledgement of a necessary active role by the helped in the process. Most interferences are projections of what we see as power and aren't always invited. Help and let go must be the best choice in most cases. I have always regretted when I did not let go.

Eternity · 26-30, M

@Miram hmm, very well put and thought out.

I wonder if this could be condensed and formulated into a one-size-fits-all approach towards being helpful.

Miram · 31-35, F

@Eternity

I don't know about it strictly being used in the context of help but originally this expanded thought is demonstrated in the concept of Wu wei , the art of war and Taoism.

Might be worth exploring its variations and they probably do exist in some asian cultures.

BlueVeins · 22-25

You can't save people. You can only help people as they try to save themselves.

SW-User

No.
They would have to give up their own will and basically be hypnotized or give up complete control. We can NOT change anyone. People can't even change themselves, so how the heck do we think we can change them. Really.

We don't know the true inner workings of anyone. Their heart, mind and such. Think about it. We would base our "help" on only what we perceive and maybe even or own projection.

But we can offer support, be there for them IF needed and yeah give them the resources.

SW-User

Well, to the right people, will be grateful with you, and will use that help wisely. And will remember you.
Never someone who doesn't want it or is selfish or if their ego is too big.
No amount of love would help them.

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