When do you know it's time to move on?

I'm always telling people (even when they don't ask for my advice) that they should never settle when it comes to romantic relationships. That's not to say that I expect perfection; I'm obviously flawed myself so that would be hypocritical. That said, when do you know that it's time to move on? For people who've experienced a significant break up, did you have a "light bulb moment," or did your discontent emerge and grow gradually (and cumulatively)? I feel like I'm at a crossroads. And for a bit more context, I do indeed love him. But does love truly conquer all? I know my questions and thoughts are all over the place, but I've been sitting on this for a while and could use a bit of advice.

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Ontheroad · M

Here is what I do when I'm "all over the place" and because of that, I do nothing. I sit down and on a lined tablet make two columns. In this case the columns would be labeled with "Stay" and "Go". Then, in no particular order, you write down the reasons to stay and the reasons to go. Once you make the list, set it aside for a day and then at some point each day for the next couple of days you add to it (you won't get them all the first run through it).

Now comes the hard part, but the most important part. Detach yourself as best you can and look at, weigh and evaluate the two columns as if they were written by a good friend in exactly your situation, who had asked you for advice.

Don't, insofar as possible, add things to the "Stay" column that are "I can settle for this" things. This side of the page is only for things that absolutely make you want to stay, and are specific things. For example "he is a good guy" does not go there. If you feel/think this, list what makes him a good guy. Do the same on the other side. For example if you start to list a negative, be specific. Not "he gets angry". List exactly what he gets angry about and add to it whether or not you have talked to him about it, and he has or has not made any headway in resolving the problem.

After all that comes decision time and this is tough to. You'll have the information to make the decision, but it still won't be easy. I know, been there and done that. If you try this approach and still have questions, I'd be happy to tell you how I arrived at my final decision.

AlwaysAlexis · 51-55, F

@Ontheroad Thank you for the suggestion. My fear is that one big negative will outweigh all of the positives. I always say that if someone brings you more laughter than tears (or more joy than sadness), then they're a keeper. But now I'm finding that those moments of sadness (which are indeed few and far between) are just so intense and painful that they outweigh the good. Thanks again for sharing.