An Analysis on A Modern Paradigm
I feel I need to preface this post due to the prevalence of some people getting offended and misinterpreting a message. This post is not designed to attack any group, individual or to unnecessarily criticise any group of individual. This post is simply some thoughts I've been having about the state of things in recent times.
Recently, I've been wondering about why it is that so many men feel so dejected, oftentimes to the point of either contemplating or actually trying to take themselves out of the equation, as it were. After some realisations in recent years both from my own experiences and from content analysing this phenomenon, I've come to understand, particularly in adolescent men and young adult men particularly, that a lot of men are starved of affection. Women can feel this way as well, however from my own observation, women readily show each other affection as they are naturally affectionate creatures. Men crave the affection of women as it's nurturing and comforting, however, modern standpoints, ideologies and societal habits have divided men and women to the point where I'd wager some women feel more comfortable showing another woman affection rather than a man. I myself literally had a friend the other week tell me that it was weird for me to refer to her as "hun." To be fair, I didn't do it all the time and only really did so when I knew she wasn't in a good way. To be also transparent, she is in a relationship so I do understand the potential awkwardness, however the reason she actually gave me for why it was weird was that she refers to her girl friends as "hun" and having it come from a guy was weird. That really astounded me. Affection from a guy was weird, but affection from another girl was normal. Situations like this create scenarios where men get practically no affection whatsoever. Some men wouldn't even notice this but some men, like myself, can actually feel physical pain from lack of affection. I'm not attributing blame when making this statement, but simply addressing an issue that I'd wager a lot of women wouldn't even consider to be an issue. I'm not even saying that it's women's responsibility to provide men with this affection; I'm simply saying that there are men who deeply crave emotional connection both on a physical and verbal level, so much so that it's painful to go without it. The fundamental issue at the core of this concept is that there's not a lot men can personally do to fix this, beyond hiring an escort for the "girlfriend experience." A lot of genuine men who crave this connection have no idea what to do as we try to facilitate connections but it rarely works out in our favour. Oftentimes it feels like we give a lot more than we get so we inherently feel like we're in a losing system. And here's another point.
We try to show women that they're special but here's a critical issue. A decent amount of women get treated like they're special and at one point or another, that treatment becomes white noise. The special treatment becomes normal and is no longer valued for what it is. It means that genuine guys can't actually make themselves noticeable as their means of communication doesn't register. The problem lies in the reality that men want to treat women like they're special because they are. The corresponding problem is that women get accustomed to it and our gestures don't possess anything significant behind them. In all honest reality they should, not by execution but interpretation. Genuine men know their own hearts and do what they do to see a woman's face light up with joy when she sees how special she is to him. When that message is interpreted as, "He'd make a really good friend," it breaks the guys heart as that's not the message he was communicating, mostly. It means that a lot of the time, the message that comes back is one that doesn't possess any affection at all because the woman can't afford to "give him the wrong idea."
As per usual, I make a very long winded post to articulate my perspective but I do so on things I truly believe are necessary to do so. In modern times, there's been a big disconnect between men and women and what we really want from each other. Due to the nature of society today, a lot of men are starved of affection from women and it can have severe implications depending on how much value the man internally possesses for affection. Again, this post is not attributing blame, but simply addressing the nature of reality at the moment whilst simultaneously communicating something I personally perceive as a problem. Women can choose how they respond to information like this, but I personally believe it's a good opportunity to open up discussions about social conduct, awareness and interpretation of genuineness and authenticity. In this day and age, for me personally, it definitely feels like I've been penalised for being a genuine guy rather than being rewarded for it. Not that I feel I deserve a reward but when the script is flipped and downright horrible men are rewarded for behaving as such, and rewarded with the things I crave above all others (romance, intimacy, affection and love), I feel like I've either missed a trick, or that there's a disconnect between women's attraction and my conduct.
Nonetheless, I hope this post was insightful, informative and thought provoking. Any opinions on this topic would be more than welcome as I'd like to broaden my understanding with as many perspectives as possible.
Recently, I've been wondering about why it is that so many men feel so dejected, oftentimes to the point of either contemplating or actually trying to take themselves out of the equation, as it were. After some realisations in recent years both from my own experiences and from content analysing this phenomenon, I've come to understand, particularly in adolescent men and young adult men particularly, that a lot of men are starved of affection. Women can feel this way as well, however from my own observation, women readily show each other affection as they are naturally affectionate creatures. Men crave the affection of women as it's nurturing and comforting, however, modern standpoints, ideologies and societal habits have divided men and women to the point where I'd wager some women feel more comfortable showing another woman affection rather than a man. I myself literally had a friend the other week tell me that it was weird for me to refer to her as "hun." To be fair, I didn't do it all the time and only really did so when I knew she wasn't in a good way. To be also transparent, she is in a relationship so I do understand the potential awkwardness, however the reason she actually gave me for why it was weird was that she refers to her girl friends as "hun" and having it come from a guy was weird. That really astounded me. Affection from a guy was weird, but affection from another girl was normal. Situations like this create scenarios where men get practically no affection whatsoever. Some men wouldn't even notice this but some men, like myself, can actually feel physical pain from lack of affection. I'm not attributing blame when making this statement, but simply addressing an issue that I'd wager a lot of women wouldn't even consider to be an issue. I'm not even saying that it's women's responsibility to provide men with this affection; I'm simply saying that there are men who deeply crave emotional connection both on a physical and verbal level, so much so that it's painful to go without it. The fundamental issue at the core of this concept is that there's not a lot men can personally do to fix this, beyond hiring an escort for the "girlfriend experience." A lot of genuine men who crave this connection have no idea what to do as we try to facilitate connections but it rarely works out in our favour. Oftentimes it feels like we give a lot more than we get so we inherently feel like we're in a losing system. And here's another point.
We try to show women that they're special but here's a critical issue. A decent amount of women get treated like they're special and at one point or another, that treatment becomes white noise. The special treatment becomes normal and is no longer valued for what it is. It means that genuine guys can't actually make themselves noticeable as their means of communication doesn't register. The problem lies in the reality that men want to treat women like they're special because they are. The corresponding problem is that women get accustomed to it and our gestures don't possess anything significant behind them. In all honest reality they should, not by execution but interpretation. Genuine men know their own hearts and do what they do to see a woman's face light up with joy when she sees how special she is to him. When that message is interpreted as, "He'd make a really good friend," it breaks the guys heart as that's not the message he was communicating, mostly. It means that a lot of the time, the message that comes back is one that doesn't possess any affection at all because the woman can't afford to "give him the wrong idea."
As per usual, I make a very long winded post to articulate my perspective but I do so on things I truly believe are necessary to do so. In modern times, there's been a big disconnect between men and women and what we really want from each other. Due to the nature of society today, a lot of men are starved of affection from women and it can have severe implications depending on how much value the man internally possesses for affection. Again, this post is not attributing blame, but simply addressing the nature of reality at the moment whilst simultaneously communicating something I personally perceive as a problem. Women can choose how they respond to information like this, but I personally believe it's a good opportunity to open up discussions about social conduct, awareness and interpretation of genuineness and authenticity. In this day and age, for me personally, it definitely feels like I've been penalised for being a genuine guy rather than being rewarded for it. Not that I feel I deserve a reward but when the script is flipped and downright horrible men are rewarded for behaving as such, and rewarded with the things I crave above all others (romance, intimacy, affection and love), I feel like I've either missed a trick, or that there's a disconnect between women's attraction and my conduct.
Nonetheless, I hope this post was insightful, informative and thought provoking. Any opinions on this topic would be more than welcome as I'd like to broaden my understanding with as many perspectives as possible.
