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The New World of Connection

I've been having this thought a lot recently that I felt like sharing. The way the facilitation of romantic connection feels fairly reminiscent of times gone by, albeit maybe possessing less class than times gone by.
1. Man meets woman
2. Man displays charm, wit, intelligence, humour and compassion.
3. Woman displays warmth, passion, admiration, support, empathy, sweetness and elegance.
4. A mutualistic agreement is reached for the two to date.
5. The rest shortly becomes history.
The element I leave out of this process is that, regardless of the specification of the traits, it's typically the man that does the asking. While this still makes sense today, it doesn't make quite as much sense as it did in times gone by. In times where women were considered as mothers in waiting and not much else, to the discredit of history, men would seek out the women they desired to be their companions. However the popularity of authors like Jane Austen, illustrated a much more beautiful depiction. Instead of a logical move for men and women to get married, authors of such ilk would ironically romanticise the idea of romance. Fundamentally, this is a much more healthy grounding for a relationship than simple convenience or the effort of keeping a family like running. Nonetheless, the point I'm working my way towards is that times have changed. Women and men, by and large in most first world countries, are on a level playing field to men. While there are some minor discrepancies here and there and while some countries still have progression in need, this point retains its substance. In this vein, it's my personal belief that there should be more of an encouragement for women to seek out the kind of men they would like to partner with. I can wager that most men have NEVER been asked out by a woman and some have grown tired of the repetitious nature of simply the effort of trying to date, let alone "successfully dating." For a woman of calibre to express interest in a man, at least as far as my particular associations go, is borderline unheard of. Despite this, it would be not only incredibly refreshing, but would also inspire hope in many forlorn men who are hitting that wall of wondering whether it is actually all just a fairy tale and nothing more. So, in traditional fashion of mine, I write a very long winded post to encourage women to show interest in the men you find appealing to you. Not only will you potentially find some incredible men by doing so, you'll also come to understand what it can be like for men to constantly put themselves out there and the vulnerability that comes with expressing interest in something romantic.
By the way, in the anticipation of someone misreading this post; this is not an attack or an insinuation that men have it any harder than women or vice versa. This is simply an anecdote illustrating a change in time and how a change in societal standards might be a welcome change. I have no ill will against anyone and only wish to provide some people with some food for though and maybe even a new perspective on how to conduct themselves in an ever changing society. Nonetheless, I also hope everyone had a lovely Easter and has had a good year so far. 馃檪
Much love to you all.
CestManan46-50, F
The problem with a lot of women out there is the only time you see them in relationships is when they are dating someone that looks like a gorilla with a Bob Marley wig. It is true that dating used to be a lot easier and more rewarding but nowadays everyone thinks they're too good for everyone else
Kodel26-30, M
@CestManan It's one of the reasons I made this post. One of the ways that people learn how not to cave in to a narcissistic presence is to understand rejection on an intimate level. Being told repeatedly that you're not someone's type, or that you're not attractive enough etc, forces humility down even the most narcissistic persons throat and makes them much more down to earth. Subsequently, it may even turn them into a datable person. Two birds with one stone.
RebelFox36-40, F
I鈥檓 pretty outspoken when I dig someone and it seems to put them off.
Kodel26-30, M
@RebelFox I honestly don't understand that. I've heard of this phenomenon occasionally and it makes no sense to me at all. If a woman asked me out on a date I'd be like, "Holy crap. That's literally never happened to me before." Then I'd probably say yes depending on a few other variables, but I'd likely say yes because I admire a woman that not only goes after what she wants, but also understands that men want to feel special and valued just as much as women do.
Honestly, I think that the men who get put off by that kind of thing are just not very sure of themselves and subsequently feel uncomfortable when a woman pursues them. I could be wrong, but that would be how I'd interpret that.
RebelFox36-40, F
@Kodel Yes. I want to be open and acknowledge their masculinity, respect it and hopefully touch their heart with some sweetness. I believe it鈥檚 intimidating. Most people aren鈥檛 ready, they gave up their power to something arbitrary and they don鈥檛 see what I鈥檓 offering.

I also think being a single mom plays a factor for me. Because I will see interest, then once they find out I have a kid their entire demeanor shifts. Which sucks.

I take a lot of hits, been rejected plenty, but I know I will be invisible otherwise so it鈥檚 worth the risk.
Kodel26-30, M
@RebelFox Honestly, we need more women like you overall. It's incredible to hear that you understand that seeking us out for romantic partnership isn't an insult or a challenge to our masculinity but wholeheartedly respecting it in a refreshing way. By and large, half the reason men like myself end up "giving up" (not quite exactly giving up but more diverting our attention away) on the dating scene is because it sometimes feels like we constantly put out and never see any return. Whether or not it's the intended message, the message we are getting is that we aren't wanted, so regardless of how much we want a partner, we have no choice but to occupy ourselves elsewhere. Having more women like you would definitely encourage us to not lose hope and to feel valued where we haven't felt before.

Yes sadly I do understand men's response on the single mother front because mine would be much the same, if not, perhaps, for the same reason. My reason would simply be that I kept myself a virgin for 26 years so that I could be with a romantic partner and share that with only her. While I'd have nothing wrong with a woman who had already lost hers to another romantic partner, I'd definitely feel awkward raising someone else's kid. It's not to say that I wouldn't necessarily date someone who had a kid, but fundamentally there is another reason. Being single for my entire life means that I never got to have that fun that you have when it's just you and your partner. I never got to have those rendezvous where you both have an amazing time with just each other and share in a wholesome, passionate and blissfully oblivious romance that the two of you share with just each other. I personally couldn't handle missing out on that and jumping straight into a dad role.

I definitely feel like your strength and diligence is a credit to you and I believe it will serve you well. Your actions in spite of your situation will definitely make you very visible to the right men. There are plenty of single fathers out there and also men who won't mind taking on another man's child so I wholeheartedly support what you're doing. I hope you inspire more women to follow your example. 馃檪

 
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