Iv been bitter, I hate this stage

Iv been so bitter , my narcissistic ex is coming from jail next week, I wish he was there longer, I didn’t stay with him because he would get angry at everything and he would hit me and spiral for hours..he never changed but I found out he been sleeping around , while he begged for me harassed my everyday by calling me saying he loves me… I’m bitter because if he did he would’ve never kept hitting me or sleep around or harass me. I been left with nothing and I’m so insecure , I’ll look at those females and compare myself . All last year I didn’t get to live, to dress up and feel pretty he controlled me.. but was cheating and getting females attention,, I’m so damn bitter