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Realizations

*NO ADVICE OR CRITICISM*

My husband and I got into an argument tonight. A pretty big one. Sucks bc I'm still battling Covid and I feel like I'm never going to get well. But that's besides the point. He's been amazing with that until today.

He recently ended a six yr friendship with someone and has let it pretty much take over. He can't leave it alone. He doesn't have many friends anyway, so this hit him really hard. And rightfully so. But I was so relieved. This guy was a shitty friend and not a good person in general. He has taken advantage of my husband and does not want to better himself. He has a child that my husband would give anything to have yet he treats his kid like he wishes he weren't even born. There is so much more, but to make a long story short...

My husband has gone back to being angry. Not just because of the friendship. Over anything and everything. He doesn't get annoyed or upset, he goes straight to anger or rage. He doesn't take it out on me much anymore, but just being around it all day all the time sets off my C-PTSD. I try so hard not to let it get to me. But there's only so much I can take before I snap. I was so accommodating to him today even though I'm still really sick. So tonight I couldn't take it anymore.

We were going to watch a movie on HBO Max, but he couldn't get it to verify his account. So he takes his laptop and hits the screen and says he wished he would get hit by a car or something. Then he takes his laptop and goes into the bedroom. He's in there forever. I've learned not to interrupt him or ask him questions. So meanwhile I'm just sitting on the couch. Starving. Not trying to mess with the tv or anything bc Idk when he's going to come out, etc. So then he's finally quiet for awhile so I go knock on the door and ask if he was hungry, if we were going to watch anything. He said he tried chatting with them and they had to escalate it. Ok fine. He's obviously messaging with someone about what I am guessing is his former friend, so I just come back out to the living room. I'm super upset at this point bc he's been angry ALL. DAY. And he hasn't even bothered to check with me to see if I needed anything, etc.

I don't even know how we wound up getting into the arguement. My fault, I'm sure. It usually is at that point. He says he's just going to go to bed then. Fine, whatever. We could have watched a movie or played a game, etc but no he wanted to focus on his fucking anger.

So we get into it. And here's where the realizations come in. He tells me (and has told me before) that I take everything personally. That it didn't have anything to do with me. And I get that, to a degree. But after some time, it does become personal. He's my husband. He focuses so much on people and things that don't matter and yet I'm right here. He won't talk to me. He says I'm not a good person to talk to about his problems. Which is fine. It hurts, but whatever. I personally think it's because I tell him what he doesn't want to hear. He bitches and whines and complains that he doesn't have people or friends but he keeps pushing me away. I told him all that tonight. I told him that we are a team, his problems are my problems. He said he doesn't want them to be. He doesn't want to be a team. He wants his problems to be his problems.

I realized he doesn't want a marriage. He just doesn't want to be alone.

I don't really know how to handle this yet. It explains a lot. A LOT. I just don't get it. I told him he can't have it both ways- he doesn't get to complain about not having anyone then keep pushing the one person who does care (me) away. I just don't know what to do.

I'm currently sitting in my- oh, I'm sorry- HIS car by the river with our dog. It's humid, which makes it hard to breathe but there is a nice breeze. I usually walk her around, but I forgot to put her collar on her before we left. Idk what to do. I'm going to get home and he's going to apologize and I'll say "me, too" like usual and nothing will get resolved. But hearing him say those things really opened up my eyes tonight. I wanted him to wake up, but I guess I did instead.
GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M
Tough situation
It’s very difficult for people to change
Wishing you some good answers
WanderingProfessor · 56-60, M
This is so hard. Feel for you. I hope you get through this.
Iamonfire666 · 31-35, F
I am sorry, it’s hard. I get this. I hope you feel better soon.
enjoyingitnow · 61-69, M
Count your awakening as a silver lining for the crap he just made you go through. He sounds like a mamas boy but I shouldn’t judge. Hope you find some peace.
VendettaVita · 41-45, F
[@4293,enjoyingitnow] He actually lost his mom when he was 14.
Tough night

... you need a hero

... ... you need a friend

... ... ... you need someone to smile with

... ... Some one to take away the hurt

... someone to be the better man

All I can say, is I feel for you.
Sorry to hear 🤗. Lot of people are stressed to the max these days ..
Have you thought about seeing a professional for counselling ?

 
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