Help Me Choose the Opening Line for a Crime Novel
Poll - Total Votes: 4
Option 1
Option 2
Option 3
Option 4
Option 5
You can only vote on one answer.
I’m working on the prologue for a crime novel and would love reader feedback.
The story opens in an ordinary moment before the crime unfolds, and I’m trying to choose the version that pulls readers in the most. I don’t want the beginning to feel too obvious or overdramatic, but I do want it to make people want to keep reading.
Which opening would make you turn the page?
**Option 1.**
I pulled into the carport with Justin still on the phone in the cup holder, thinking only about Chloe waiting in the bathroom. That was all I had on my mind, getting inside and checking on Chloe. I wanted to make sure she still had water, see if she had made another mess, and then probably tell Justin every detail like Chloe had done something impressive while I was gone.
**Option 2.**
Before anything else, before the blood and sirens and everything people would later ask me to remember, there was Chloe in the bathroom and Justin’s face glowing from the phone in my cup holder.
That was all I had on my mind when I pulled into the carport. Chloe. Getting inside. Checking her water. Seeing if she had made another mess. Then probably telling Justin every detail like that puppy had done something impressive while I was gone.
**Option 3.**
Chloe had been ours for only a few hours, and I was already acting like she had been waiting for me my whole life.
By the time I pulled into the carport that evening, Justin was still on the phone in the cup holder, and all I could think about was getting inside to check on her. Her water. Her towel. The little mess she probably made. Then I would tell Justin every detail like that puppy had done something impressive while I was gone.
**Option 4.**
That morning, I let myself be happy over something small.
I did not know how much I needed that until Chloe was in my hand. She was tiny, black, and warm, with little paws tucked against my palm like she had already decided she belonged to me. I had enough to carry that day, but somehow she did not feel like more weight. She felt like relief.
By the time I pulled into the carport that evening, Justin was still on FaceTime in the cup holder, and I was already halfway inside in my mind. I wanted to check her water, tuck her towel back the way I liked it, clean up whatever little mess she had probably made, and then tell Justin every detail like that puppy had done something worth reporting.
She probably hadn’t.
But I was excited anyway.
**Option 5.**
That morning, I let myself be happy over something small.
Her name was Chloe, and by the time I pulled into the carport that evening, she had already taken over my whole day.
I wanted to get inside, check her water, see if she had made another mess, and then probably tell Justin every detail like that puppy had done something impressive while I was gone.
Which one is strongest, and why?
The story opens in an ordinary moment before the crime unfolds, and I’m trying to choose the version that pulls readers in the most. I don’t want the beginning to feel too obvious or overdramatic, but I do want it to make people want to keep reading.
Which opening would make you turn the page?
**Option 1.**
I pulled into the carport with Justin still on the phone in the cup holder, thinking only about Chloe waiting in the bathroom. That was all I had on my mind, getting inside and checking on Chloe. I wanted to make sure she still had water, see if she had made another mess, and then probably tell Justin every detail like Chloe had done something impressive while I was gone.
**Option 2.**
Before anything else, before the blood and sirens and everything people would later ask me to remember, there was Chloe in the bathroom and Justin’s face glowing from the phone in my cup holder.
That was all I had on my mind when I pulled into the carport. Chloe. Getting inside. Checking her water. Seeing if she had made another mess. Then probably telling Justin every detail like that puppy had done something impressive while I was gone.
**Option 3.**
Chloe had been ours for only a few hours, and I was already acting like she had been waiting for me my whole life.
By the time I pulled into the carport that evening, Justin was still on the phone in the cup holder, and all I could think about was getting inside to check on her. Her water. Her towel. The little mess she probably made. Then I would tell Justin every detail like that puppy had done something impressive while I was gone.
**Option 4.**
That morning, I let myself be happy over something small.
I did not know how much I needed that until Chloe was in my hand. She was tiny, black, and warm, with little paws tucked against my palm like she had already decided she belonged to me. I had enough to carry that day, but somehow she did not feel like more weight. She felt like relief.
By the time I pulled into the carport that evening, Justin was still on FaceTime in the cup holder, and I was already halfway inside in my mind. I wanted to check her water, tuck her towel back the way I liked it, clean up whatever little mess she had probably made, and then tell Justin every detail like that puppy had done something worth reporting.
She probably hadn’t.
But I was excited anyway.
**Option 5.**
That morning, I let myself be happy over something small.
Her name was Chloe, and by the time I pulled into the carport that evening, she had already taken over my whole day.
I wanted to get inside, check her water, see if she had made another mess, and then probably tell Justin every detail like that puppy had done something impressive while I was gone.
Which one is strongest, and why?
36-40, F
