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My mother is dying of cancer, and I am writing

Ever since my mother got very ill with cancer, I've been writing things for her to sign. One leaf of paper was all about how she knew that I always loved her even when I was behaving badly. She read it, and I had her sign it. Another leaf of paper was all about my belief in eternal recurrence and my belief that we will see each other again and again. She read it, and I had her sign it. The thing is she wants to sign all these papers because she knows that I'll be able to read and to reread them when she is gone. And she knows that this will help me cope to some degree.
LaLumieri · 51-55, F
I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I went through this at the age of 40. With my dad. It was very difficult And to be honest it's just something that never leaves you. But I have learned to cope in different ways. Everyone is different. And this is a nice idea something that you shared together that you'll be able to remember. I decided I was never going to cry in front of my father while he was alive. He had already seen enough tears. We kept life as normal as possible Until We needed some help. Stay as strong as you can Share as many smiles and laughs as you possibly can. And remember it's not just all about those last Moments It's about a lifetime Of heartfelt memories. I will pray for you and your mom and your family
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@LaLumieri Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
If that works for both of you, it is good. You should also tell her how you are feeling. And she should share her feelings too. Please do that. Do not leave anything unsaid. Early condolences.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@PoetryNEmotion 'Do not leave anything unsaid.' That's one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard.
Primnproper · 56-60, F
We lost my stepdad last year to it and if that brings you comfort then it will be a beautiful thing to look back on..stay strong and carry on making as many memories as you can. Stay strong.🤗
Primnproper · 56-60, F
@Foodie60 i know, its very hard. 🤗
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@Primnproper @Primnproper Thank you everyone. The ones we lose want us to stay strong. There can be no question about that.
Primnproper · 56-60, F
@MLaszlo they do indeed.🤗
Musicman · 61-69, M
Why are you having her sign each page? My mom beat cancer then died of kidney failure. My dad did die of cancer. My cousin just died of cancer. Her funeral is Friday.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@Musicman I wanted her to sign each page, so that I can look back on it and have some tangible evidence that she did in fact aknowledge my love for her. I know it's all quite redundant, but I feel I must arm myself with whatever weapons I can for when she is gone. Perhaps I'm just too sensitive and too insecure.
The dying process is unique for each individual and their family, including what brings them some semblance of comfort and peace. I’m sorry you’re having to experience this but glad you’ve found this coping mechanism.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
I'm sorry about your mother.

I lost mine to cancer over 2 decades ago. Get the good stories recorded and recipes written down before she's gone.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@Starcrossed I hadn't even thought of making recordings! I'm sorry about your mother, too. I guess we see ourselves and our own pain in those who have the same wounds.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
@MLaszlo they make picture frames, DIY books [photo albums], and holiday ornaments that can record.
I so much wish I would have done it when my mom was dying.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@Starcrossed Thank you for the suggestions. Also, it's so funny that you mentioned recipes. I actually did that a few weeks ago. My mother went over one of her recipes (Meatballs Hawaiian) and explained everything and provided reasons why one should do this or that and not do whatever else. It was such a pleasure to listen to her. The little things are desperately important.
I’m so sorry for both your sakes. I know it’s painful to watch a loved one passing away.
But what a beautiful idea, preparing this way to connect and remember to ease the grieving later.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@Colonelmustardseed Thank you, and what a great username you have!
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
I truly am really sorry it is hard loss.
She wants to comfort you,even in her situation , I find that pretty noble.
May it bring you some peace
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@Justmeraeagain Thank you. I'm hoping it will.
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MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@jshm2 I think I understand what you're saying, but I'm hoping the little notes will give me encouragement when she's gone.
RedBaron · M
If you believe these things, why is it important for her to sign them?
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@RedBaron Great question. I suppose it is important that she sign them so that I'll have something tangible by which to counterpoise my own insecurities. Does that make sense?
RedBaron · M
@MLaszlo All that matters is that it makes sense for you.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@RedBaron Yes, of course. Thank you for saying that.
tammy1 · F
I am sorry
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@tammy1 Thank you for your understanding.
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MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@HumanEarth You have every right to vent! I can't imagine going through something like this at that age. When I was in high school, I was still lost in a world of teenage angst and daydreams.
HumanEarth · 56-60, M
I had to go through another family member slowly die in front of me. I took of a uncle that had Parkinson's disease about 10 years later after my mother passed on.

Maybe I was put here on Earth to take care of them when no one else wanted to.

Plus we have my adult disabled son we take of.

Life is a battle, but just think one day we will be in their shoes. Do we treat them like we want to treated or do we take advantage of them?

I have been to nursing homes and I have seen how some get treated. Some good and some poorly.

My family has a rule.

Family takes care of family no matter what.

It don't matter if your rich or poor. We take care of each other.
MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@HumanEarth Beautifully put. I love the way you write 'Maybe I was put here on Earth to take care of them when no one else wanted to.'
It just feels good to connect with someone who knows the difference between right and wrong.
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MLaszlo · 51-55, M
@Vin53 You have a great attitude!

 
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