Top Trump advisor hospitalized with severe facial injuries from extreme facepalming

"I just couldn't stop" - that was the explanation given to hospital staff by a top Trump advisor as he was admitted with severe facial injuries from face-palming himself, following a series of tweets from the president. The attending physician would not reveal the identity of the advisor, but said "It doesn't matter who it is. We're seeing more and more Trump staff each week coming in here with bruises, black eyes, broken noses. It's routine now."

Other sources have agreed the problem is dangerously widespread - "These guys are under enormous pressure keeping the administration together, they are doing all kinds of things to vent. Steve Bannon almost broke his neck trying to suck his own <bleep> before he left."