I Really Just Want To Enjoy Life And Love And Be Happy

alright were to begin so 2018 is over had i have not accomplished anything just has last year was it was the same this year still single and miserable jobless and frustrated. its been like thi for the past 5 years and i have lot all hope but nevertheless today my uncle bought me a pack of cigarettes and i could have taken it but i felt bad because i only gave him 3 cigarettes from me but i should have just took the pack and said thank but instead i was so persistent and determined that he can take the pack of cigarettes now im regretting it because i really wanted it and wanted to try it out...now im planning to get it from him tomorrow but my point of the story is why do i always have to doubt myself if someone give me something just take it and say thanks and i blame my mother for this because she is the one who does that always doubt ourselves any way my point is i just want to be free and enjoy life and let stupid things like ciagrettes go and trying to get the pack back from my uncle its so stupid i just want to enjoy life and be free ... you know i admire men because they are so carefree they just drink and smoke and share they dont count the ciagretted they gave us and they just enjoy life jump in the car and drive. i forgot how to love and enjoy life ...now im justing living to say what can u do for me and how can i use you or how u benefit me and i dont want to live like that i just want to enjoy my money no matter how little i have and enjoy life ay im so tired and unhappy