I Believe Kindness Matters
Kindness, Reciprocity, and Pride-
Since we were children we’ve been told to be kind to others. Although it is a beautiful sentiment and being kind can leave a lasting impact on others, there is also a twist that is barely mentioned.
Because fear plays such a big role behind our actions as kids, when we aren’t afraid of someone we subconsciously relax. We’ve been raised with the, “IF you do this then you’ll get that... you don’t want to do that OR....!!” When we relax we can be lazy, inconsiderate, and we don’t try hard to leave a good impression because we know the person we are with does everything for us, never gets mad at us, and gives us what we want when we want it.
In contrast, when someone is perceived as a challenge, the whole ballgame changes. Because there is a slight fear of rejection or disinterest on their side and we fear possible negative consequences we invest ourselves in leaving a good impression. Our goal= To be approved by this person that is not easy to get approved by. It gives us a sense of accomplishment to feel like we’ve overcome and gotten validated by someone whose validation we have to win.
I’m sure that by a certain age we already realize that being too too kind gets you walked over and unappreciated. Some become bitter, understandably so. It would be nice if we were explained about the positives and negatives of being kind, or when kindness can go wrong in our youth.
We all have to set up our own boundaries to which others will call us “selfish” for. And that is okay, because if someone was 100% selfless and gave it all away, no boundaries, no limits, no caution, they obviously wouldn’t be alive. You have to realize that fully pleasing another person is impossible. If someone doesn’t mentally train themselves to calm down when every person, place, thing, or idea doesn’t go their way there isn’t a thing you can do to change their disgust.
A healthy level of pride and reciprocity is beneficial in the sense that when you add kindness to them now you have a better chance of getting through to a person. Even though this is a life where our desire is to have people look, say, and do what we want to feel pleased, where we feel angry at the contradiction and “rebellion” of others to our standards that we see as the greater good from our perspective; we have to slowly learn to get out of the habit of getting our worth and happiness from approval or getting our way all the time.
Can we be so confident within ourselves that even when someone labels us negatively it doesn’t affect our psyche? Can someone yell at us saying, “YOU’RE DOING THIS ALL WRONG!!!!” And continue to try our hardest, unaffected by their apparent dissatisfaction? Whenever that episode of Spongebob came out, the “I’m ugly and I’m proud” one where Patrick says, “you need to embrace your ugly” 😂 and Spongebob’s attitude took a 180; that is the attitude we want to nurture in a world where everyone will try to mold you, label you, make you feel insecure as a means to greater profit, in a world where unfortunately kindness can be taken for granted without pride and reciprocity as guards to it. Don’t forget to look at all you do right, the improvements you DO make, point it out to yourself instead of waiting for others to do that for you. Be self-motivated to maintain a peace of mind in the midst of complaints, unsatisfied people, people who are bored with routine and now want... more.
As always this advice is one I need to take myself because as a human I am never exempt of the tendencies I see in others, because they very well lie in me too. May I learn to greater appreciate those who are so kind to me instead of only feeling validated when the one I wanted acts the way I want towards me. May I learn not to take for granted the kindness shown to me, clouded by distrust, so apathy decreases and greater degrees of empathy can surface in me and in others as well.
Since we were children we’ve been told to be kind to others. Although it is a beautiful sentiment and being kind can leave a lasting impact on others, there is also a twist that is barely mentioned.
Because fear plays such a big role behind our actions as kids, when we aren’t afraid of someone we subconsciously relax. We’ve been raised with the, “IF you do this then you’ll get that... you don’t want to do that OR....!!” When we relax we can be lazy, inconsiderate, and we don’t try hard to leave a good impression because we know the person we are with does everything for us, never gets mad at us, and gives us what we want when we want it.
In contrast, when someone is perceived as a challenge, the whole ballgame changes. Because there is a slight fear of rejection or disinterest on their side and we fear possible negative consequences we invest ourselves in leaving a good impression. Our goal= To be approved by this person that is not easy to get approved by. It gives us a sense of accomplishment to feel like we’ve overcome and gotten validated by someone whose validation we have to win.
I’m sure that by a certain age we already realize that being too too kind gets you walked over and unappreciated. Some become bitter, understandably so. It would be nice if we were explained about the positives and negatives of being kind, or when kindness can go wrong in our youth.
We all have to set up our own boundaries to which others will call us “selfish” for. And that is okay, because if someone was 100% selfless and gave it all away, no boundaries, no limits, no caution, they obviously wouldn’t be alive. You have to realize that fully pleasing another person is impossible. If someone doesn’t mentally train themselves to calm down when every person, place, thing, or idea doesn’t go their way there isn’t a thing you can do to change their disgust.
A healthy level of pride and reciprocity is beneficial in the sense that when you add kindness to them now you have a better chance of getting through to a person. Even though this is a life where our desire is to have people look, say, and do what we want to feel pleased, where we feel angry at the contradiction and “rebellion” of others to our standards that we see as the greater good from our perspective; we have to slowly learn to get out of the habit of getting our worth and happiness from approval or getting our way all the time.
Can we be so confident within ourselves that even when someone labels us negatively it doesn’t affect our psyche? Can someone yell at us saying, “YOU’RE DOING THIS ALL WRONG!!!!” And continue to try our hardest, unaffected by their apparent dissatisfaction? Whenever that episode of Spongebob came out, the “I’m ugly and I’m proud” one where Patrick says, “you need to embrace your ugly” 😂 and Spongebob’s attitude took a 180; that is the attitude we want to nurture in a world where everyone will try to mold you, label you, make you feel insecure as a means to greater profit, in a world where unfortunately kindness can be taken for granted without pride and reciprocity as guards to it. Don’t forget to look at all you do right, the improvements you DO make, point it out to yourself instead of waiting for others to do that for you. Be self-motivated to maintain a peace of mind in the midst of complaints, unsatisfied people, people who are bored with routine and now want... more.
As always this advice is one I need to take myself because as a human I am never exempt of the tendencies I see in others, because they very well lie in me too. May I learn to greater appreciate those who are so kind to me instead of only feeling validated when the one I wanted acts the way I want towards me. May I learn not to take for granted the kindness shown to me, clouded by distrust, so apathy decreases and greater degrees of empathy can surface in me and in others as well.
31-35, F
