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Day 20 and my last post….

One thing that leaves me feeling incredibly unsettled and uncertain is being full of thoughts and intentions I’d like to express but never do. I feel like since this is my last post I should say something, but it also defeats the purpose of me trying to be supportive and understanding. And here I am being vague. Ugh, sorry. Let’s see…

____, if you read this, please know that I’m still here for you. Always. While I’m doing my best to do the right thing, I feel like I’m mostly being impatiently patient :P If you’ve been reading any of my posts, I know it isn’t beneficial to your healing process.

I know I had told you I wouldn’t post here because I didn’t want to hold you back and you deserved the ability to heal as I did. In a sense, you need your own grieving process with no access to me whatsoever as I had to endure all those years. I’ve tried not to post anything that would conflict with your healing process, but we both know you don’t need to be reading anything related to me until you’ve healed, made your peace and found the closure and everything you need to be able to be my friend again one day.

The truth is, I hope with all my existence that we will be able to be friends again…soon…I’m sure I sound like a broken record :P Alas, I need to disappear into the void beyond your reach until you’re truly ready to reach out to me. Sooo, that’s what I’m doing. If you’ve been reading anything I’ve posted, I’m sorry I’ve taken so long. Obviously, you could just not look :P But I know if I had the ability to know how you’re doing, I’d look :P Honestly, I may have foolishly held out hope you’d at least say one thing to me today…but you know me, foolishly optimistic even when I know better. :P

I hate when I try to post late at night because my brain is just too tired…but I want to leave you with a warm hug full of positive thoughts and wishes. I want you to know that no matter what you always have a friend in me and I am always waiting for you to reach out. I also hold no judgement, resentment, or any negativity surrounding your absence or anything. I understand. It’s all good and you can always come to me with anything.

Alrighty then. I’m not going to drag this out. Things will be what they’ll be! I just hope they’ll be wonderful for you, as you are.

So…onto these happy and grateful thoughts for Day 20…

<3 The only material thing I really wanted out of this day was shrimp tacos. So my girl and I went out for lunch and tried a New Mexican restaurant. Delicious! I was very pleased and grateful I could just go splurge just because

<3 Reading books with my girl today was a lot of fun and just precious. She gets smarter every day. Reading with her may possibly go down as one of my top 3 favorite memories with her as she grows up. It just provides such wonderful opportunities for snuggles, bonding, talks, and educational moments. She loves her books and her mama!

<3 It was such a PERFECT sunny day today. Took my girl out to play on her scooter in front of the house. While out there I noticed I needed to clean the leaves out of the flower beds. I didn’t get too far into that task before my neighbors came out and started talking to me. It was a really nice evening talking to them and my girl playing with their older daughter. I got to know more about them and I’m very grateful for these people who seem incredibly down to earth and genuine.

<3 My SIL showed up while we were all still talking….she brought me cupcakes from my favorite bakery! I was so surprised! I ended up giving the neighbors each one before going inside since the kids were all going bonkers to eat cupcakes lol. We had such a great time together eating, playing games, and just being together. My niece got braces today and we had a great talk about them as she didn’t want them and didn’t understand why she needed them. (Oh to be young and completely unaware of judgment, vanity, or anything superficial!)

<3 My other SIL who I rarely talk about because I rarely talk to or see her sent me flowers today. She does this every year, which is sweet. They were very beautiful.

<3 Oh! I think my neighbor was concerned we’d been offended back when the cops got called on us over where our truck was parked. Haha. She seemed to keep reassuring me that all of our neighbors were nice and easy-going. So I finally just brought up the incident and we had a good laugh over it. I’ll admit, I do feel better knowing none of our neighbors reported us. I don’t care who it was in the neighborhood, I don’t know them. Haha.

Alrighty then. That’s all folks! Until we meet again…take care, be kind, do what you love, be who you aspire to be, practice mindfulness with the intention of finding happiness and gratitude and spreading it to others, and enjoy the little things. I’ve got to shut up or I’m going to try to cram everything in here. Lol. Not gonna lie, I really don’t want to say goodbye. But, it’s the right thing to do. So on that note…..until we meet again :)
Sophiiee · 18-21, F

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