Ten Great Exercises That Even MAGAists & Trumpets Can Do. HHS Secretary RFK Jr. Approved.
1. Couch-to-Fridge Dash: Build stamina for that long haul from the recliner to the beer stash during FOX News commercial breaks.
2. Flagpole Deadlift: Hoist that oversized Trump 2024 banner until your back gives out — bonus points if it’s taller than your neighbor’s flagpole.
3. QAnon Yoga: Pretzel your brain into believing Jimmy Hoffa is still alive and will be JD Vance's running mate in 2028.
4. Cognitive Dissonance Squats Lower yourself into denial every time another Trump aide pleads guilty. Rise back up shouting “witch hunt!”
5. Storm-the-Capitol Stair Climb: Practice those steps — never know when you’ll need to cosplay as a patriot again. Don’t forget the Viking hat!
6. Hunter Biden Laptop Curls: Keep lifting that conspiracy theory — it’s the only weight you’ve ever carried.
7. Gas-Stove Aerobics: Flail your arms about the “war on gas stoves” while ignoring the real war on democracy.
8. Election Recount Reps: Keep repeating “Stop the Steal!” until you collapse. Great cardio, terrible grasp of math.
9. Sharpie Arm Circles: Improve shoulder mobility by redrawing hurricane maps to match Il Duce's predictions.
10. Golf Cart Marathons: Because nothing says “alpha male” like racing to the 18th hole without breaking a sweat.
2. Flagpole Deadlift: Hoist that oversized Trump 2024 banner until your back gives out — bonus points if it’s taller than your neighbor’s flagpole.
3. QAnon Yoga: Pretzel your brain into believing Jimmy Hoffa is still alive and will be JD Vance's running mate in 2028.
4. Cognitive Dissonance Squats Lower yourself into denial every time another Trump aide pleads guilty. Rise back up shouting “witch hunt!”
5. Storm-the-Capitol Stair Climb: Practice those steps — never know when you’ll need to cosplay as a patriot again. Don’t forget the Viking hat!
6. Hunter Biden Laptop Curls: Keep lifting that conspiracy theory — it’s the only weight you’ve ever carried.
7. Gas-Stove Aerobics: Flail your arms about the “war on gas stoves” while ignoring the real war on democracy.
8. Election Recount Reps: Keep repeating “Stop the Steal!” until you collapse. Great cardio, terrible grasp of math.
9. Sharpie Arm Circles: Improve shoulder mobility by redrawing hurricane maps to match Il Duce's predictions.
10. Golf Cart Marathons: Because nothing says “alpha male” like racing to the 18th hole without breaking a sweat.
36-40, F
