UPS to lay off 20,000 drivers, a year after agreeing to $50 an hour in a new contract.

Photo above – Matthew McConaughey proposes to UPS driver/girlfriend Jenna Elfman in the film EdTV (1999). This was before UPS drivers earned $50 an hour, so the motive was love, not financial gain.

Hey, Joe . . . wanna earn $50 an hour driving a delivery van? Local stuff only. No long haul, or overnight trips away from home. That’s like . . . zowie . . . $100,000 a year. Plus health and retirement plans. More than a teacher. No high school diploma needed, let alone a college degree.

Yeah . . . that was 2023. This year United Parcel Service is offering “buyouts” to 20,000 drivers. If not enough employees take the hint, terminations are sure to follow. (see link at bottom). Seems like it’s tough to make a buck in a market-based economy when your labor costs soar faster than inflation.

I wish no misfortune to befall the big-brown guys in their cute shorts. They sometimes even deliver my Amazon stuff. That may be because Amazon drivers earn $19 an hour instead of $50, and there are always Amazon driver vacancies.

Fed Ex drivers are doing even worse – average is $17 an hour. Teamsters get $22. Postal workers get $20 an hour, and you have to pass a civil service exam to prove you can read and write, don’t have a felony record, and are drug free.

Actually, I’m assuming all these drivers are drug free, and can read and write. They get the address right more than 99% of the time. Although my replacement Chase Amazon credit card appears to be lost. It was sent registered mail more than a week ago and has a United States Postal Service tracking number, but hasn’t moved since July 3rd. It's still a thousand miles away. Actually, it probably HAS moved, but whoever has it – legally or otherwise – didn’t scan it. This is why I missed Amazon Prime Day, Jeff. Your credit card didn’t arrive. I was eyeing that $69.99 SDKWDH LED therapy mask, which is guaranteed to reduce wrinkles. Who doesn't want smaller wrinkles, and bigger boobs?

Back to the UPS layoffs. So on the basis of this comparison, the United Parcel Service $50 hourly contract was a crazy outlier. Completely off the charts. I wish I’d predicted that layoffs would happen. Wait, I did, right after the contract was signed in 2023. And I pointed out that paying high school dropouts more than a teacher could be demoralizing to teachers, and tempt them to quit their violent schools for a safer career delivering packages. But they’d certainly be sorry now, if any teachers actually did quit.

I’m just sayin’ . . .

UPS to eliminate 20,000 positions with large buyout incentives

UPS workers approve new labor contract with big raises