Wow . . . Alligator Alcatraz isn’t even open yet, and they’re already calling it the worst ever.

Photo Above – Paul Newman escapes from custody in 1967’s “Cool Hand Luke”. There may possibly be an alligator in behind him. Or a train?

Okay, let’s make sure I understand this. The new immigrant detention facility – nicknamed Alligator Alcatraz- is inhumane. Except that it’s on land which is part of the Dade Collier Airport. This is a public airport, with commercial flights. It’s 35 miles from downtown Miami. So far as I can determine, not a single passenger has been attacked by an alligator. This airport is safe for passengers, but NOT for criminals?

This much echo chamber BS about a new prison adjacent to an airport seems hypocrisy. I decided to do a quick review of the actual worst prisons in America. Most are in fact located in blue states.

1 - The real Alcatraz. An island near San Francisco. It’s closed now, but there were 8 inmate murders, 5 suicides, and 36 people tried to swim to the mainland. 23 were caught, 6 were shot to death, and 2 drowned. This is the gold standard for Hollywood prison films.

2 -Sing-Sing in New York. Still open, but it rebranded itself as “Ossening” to try and outrun it’s terrible reputation. Originally built in 1824. 614 inmates executed in the electric chair. Some of them were women.

3 - Pelican Bay in California. America’s worst “supermax” prison. More than 1,000 solitary confinement cells, 8 by 10 feet. If you behave yourself, you might get 1 hour of fresh air a day in the prison yard.

4 - Attica, New York. Another supermax prison. Location of the 1970 notorious Attica riots. Police killed 29 prisoners and 10 hostages in an effort to retake control of the facility.

5 - San Quentin – built a175 years ago, still in operation. There are 3,500 prisoners, and 3 separate “death row” sections, although nobody has been executed recently.

6 - Folsom – the second oldest prison in California. 2,500 inmates. 93 executions so far. They are currently being sued because the facility is housing 30% more inmates than it's legal capacity. Stay tuned for a possible riot?

Okay, so Alligator Alcatraz - formerly Dade County Airport - with it's quaint snack bar and free parking - may never fulfill its destiny as one of America’s worst prisons. But I look forward to CNN, NBC, CBS etc constantly feeding us colorful photos of random alligators, and claiming they are an imminent risk to criminals who are behind bars. Burmese pythons maybe – they’re skinny enough to slither between the bars, right?

I’m just sayin’ . . .