“No more work from home”. But does that apply to yachts?

Photo above - "Corfu, dude!" . . . Jeff Bezos' supposed one-word answer when asked if will return to the office. Corfu is an island off the coast of Greece.

I have to confess. When I saw the link (below) about Amazon’s CEO ordering everybody to report back to the office, I assumed it was an edict from Jeff Bezos. Nope . . . it was from some guy named “Andy Jassy”. (No relation to rapper Jazzy Jeff). Evidently Andy Jassy took over at some point when Bezos began working from his yachts (two) and mansions (at least 5 - in places like Beverly Hills, Manhattan, Washington DC, Florida, and Hawaii). So, I’m guessing that -no - Bezos won’t be returning to his office anytime soon. He also doesn’t show up at the Washington Post, which he owns. Not even when he’s terminating people who ARE showing up there for work.

I have several friends who work at Amazon. They have never worked from home. A couple are “pickers”. They grab merchandise from shelves inside a warehouse the size of an NBA arena. Another is a driver . . . he’s paid WAAAY more than any pickers. A good driving record and passing a drug test are essentials for that coveted job. Bonus money if you have a CDL drivers permit.

DJ Andy Jassy says that office collaboration is the end game of forcing everyone to return to work. Which might possibly be true. Certainly, I work harder at the office than when I’m home. And I’m not running a side gig as a seller, which is easy for WFH Amazon folks to do if they have a laptop and an overseas source of low volume merchandise like “May Dag-Dag Magic Sarap Spice”. (Ordered March 2nd, delivered March 21st.)

Okay . . . it’s complicated coming back to the office. You have to arrange for full time childcare. Schedule time off to go to the dentist. Your side gig income takes a nosedive. Binge watching White Lotus takes a back seat. Lots of issues there.

I think Andy Jassy – whom I’ve never met – might possibly have talked to Jamie Dimon, CEO of JP Morgan Chase. Chase is issuing back to work edicts too. Dimon even deliberately leaked a staged "open mic" audio hinting that people could be fired for not coming back to work. Which may or may not be possible under the laws of New York.

Back to Amazon. I get it . . . we’re entering a recession. Amazon isn’t going to need as many workers as it used to. If I wanted to start firing people, I’d also focus on those who don’t show up, or who pilfer merchandise. Sometimes right off the back of the delivery truck. And leave a sealed box full of lumber scraps instead of a PS5 at your front door.

There’s an Amazon warehouse within driving distance of my apartment that has NEVER even opened. Amazon reportedly has more than 10 such never used warehouse buildings. And 44 more which were previously opened, but then later closed. And 231 warehouses in the planning stage but which may or may not open in the future. So yeah, Amazon workers could be on the chopping block too. Especially if their duties involve selecting warehouse locations and getting them ready to open. It seems only natural.

This is in addition to all the other things that might result in an Amazon RIF (reduction in workforce): robotic pickers; drone deliveries of prescriptions; self driving vans; deliveries ONLY to a designated pickup location if you live in a high crime zip code. And artificial intelligence. Amazon spent $75 billion on AI development for Amazon Web Services last year. They plan to spend $100 billion more in 2025.

In related news, the US Post Office is finalizing their own plans to close redundant mail centers. And terminate redundant workers. And possibly privatize the whole thing. Stay tuned.

Yes . . . these are all signs of a recession. I don’t need to wait for Fed Chairman Jerome Powell to finish his “to be or not to be” soliloquy about interest rates to see what's happening. And I’m not blaming Powell, Trump, Musk, or Jeff Bezos for the imminent recession.

But I do think Bezos should spend less time partying on his yacht in places like Monaco and Corfu (Greece). Anyone making that much money should have to show up at the office occasionally, too.

I’m just sayin’ . . .

Amazon CEO gives employees a harsh wake-up call