If you were the CEO of Starbucks, how would you respond to the expanding strike?

Photo above - do you know how to spell "ubiquitous"?

Unions are ecstatic. There are now (possibly, up to) 300 Starbucks locations that have joined the strike. But for context, let’s note that the chain has 33,000 stores, so less than 1% are involved. (see link below)

Before you say “I fail to see the threat”, let’s also note that - like 2008 – corporate America seems to be wandering into failure and bankruptcy. I won’t provide a full list of chains that went BKO or closed this year. There would be hundreds. But a few of the household names include CVS drugs, Walgreens drugs, Red Lobster, The Container Store, Burger King (!), TGI Friday's restaurants, Spirit Airlines, Bed Bath and Beyond, Family Dollar. . .

On the watch list to soon file chapter 11, based on final assessment of Christmas sales: JC Penney, Rite Aid drugs, Footlocker, Lowes . . . If you doubt any of these names are in trouble, then reply below and tell us what Xmas shopping you did at JC Penney or Lowes. The JC Penney closest to my home has 2 entrances blocked, to save money on security guards.

Starbucks isn’t on the imminent bankruptcy list. But I’m not buying their stock on the dip (shares are down 10% over the past week).

How much does a Starbucks barista actually make? $17 an hour (national average). Probably more in Hollywood or Manhattan, less in West Virginia.

What should Starbucks’ new CEO do? Andrew Nicol has only been on the job 3 months, but he DID save his former employer (Chipotle) from bankruptcy after scandals involving entrees made with horsemeat, child labor law violations, and food poisoning. So if Starbucks' strikers have similar grievances, Mr. Nicol may have relevant experience.

But the sad truth is that there are just WAAAY too many Starbucks. 33,000 worldwide. 16,000 in the USA alone. That’s quite a bit more than the number of McDonalds, A place where you can get a burger and fries with your coffee. We have too many burger places also. So, some closures might be in Starbucks future. If their CEO asked consultants for advice, this is probably what he’d hear:

Close duplicate stores in shopping malls. Those malls are dying anyway. If you have 2 stores in a mall, close the one furthest from the entrance.

Same deal with multiple stores on a city block. Keep the one closest to the corner.

Cull underperforming staff. This might be the easiest. You CAN fire strikers if they have past performance issues. Chronic absenteeism. Substance abuse while on the clock. Fake slip and fall claims. Inventory shrinkage. Cursing out customers.

Overeducated and overprivileged. I’d expand the herd culling to include people with college degrees like philosophy, art history, French literature, political science, ethnic studies, social services, and cultural anthropology (my own college minor). People who wasted tens of thousands on useless degrees are among the most disconnected from reality, and least appreciative of their $17 hourly starting salary. Hey folks . . . this is indoor work with no heavy lifting. If baristas insist that they need more money, remind them Amazon is hiring pickers at $22 an hour.

It's painful to admit, but America has too many coffee shops. Idle fast food drive throughs. Dying malls in the suburbs. Even big box stores are on the brink. I went to Best Buy for some last-minute shopping yesterday. They had chain saws and leaf blowers for sale, front and center, next to the $2,500 OLED big screen TVs. Yikes . . . better start looking over your shoulder, Lowes!

I’m just sayin’ . . .

Starbucks union says strike to impact 300 stores; company says less than 200 locations affected