Why do alternative fuel vehicles keep failing? And why do we keep subsidizing them?

Photo above – Chrysler actually produced this jet engine car (briefly) in 1963. It made a whopping 130 horsepower, and close to 130 decibels of noise. Insanely bad fuel consumption. And don’t stand too close to that scorching exhaust port.

First off, let me concede - oil companies obtain US drilling rights at bargain basement prices. Not exactly a subsidy, but another typical EF-up by the government. Remember when the BP oil rig disaster almost caused the extinction of shrimp in the Gulf of Mexico? Not only did the government lease gulf drilling rights too cheaply, but the deal also never had robust safety rules.

But today’s rant isn’t about dead fern trees (oil and coal aren’t dinosaurs – they’re plants). I want to point out that virtually EVERYTHING the government has promoted as “the next big thing” went off the rails.

Electric cars were the most likely contender. Except for some obvious flaws. They’re hilariously expensive. They take too long to charge. There aren’t enough chargers. They burn at 1,000 degrees if they get in an accident. There’s not enough electricity to recharge our Tesla's AND launch a planet wide get rich scheme involving Bitcoin mining and AI copyright violations. Today’s news flash: VW announced it's HALTING production of the new ID Buzz microbus EV in Germany. And moving it to Poland. Because even at $60,000 per vehicle, they’re losing a lot of Deutsche Marks. Polish workers, you’re up. See if you can bolt these things together at lower cost and same quality.

What was it BEFORE electric cars? Hydrogen! Despite what you may have heard, hydrogen fanboys were getting grants to look into this well before Tesla began became the darling of the Obama administration. Hydrogen was supposed to power EVERYTHING. Cars, home furnaces, ovens, hot water heaters. Even turbines to generate electricity. The current administration is still throwing billions of taxpayer dollars at hydrogen research, despite decades of challenges that have never come close to being overcome. Hydrogen is expensive. There’s no infrastructure in place. Hydrogen atoms are so tiny they leak out through the smallest hose and plumbing defects. It explodes when pressurized tanks rupture. Want me to keep going?

Does anyone remember jet powered cars? There’s a picture at top, in case this was before your time. The theory was that America was soooo good at building jet engines, jets could power everything that moves. Not only aircraft, but trucks, cars, and our most awesome naval vessels. Maybe even those electric plants again. The problem is that jet engines consume INSANE amounts of fuel, compared to the internal combustion engines they would have replaced. America (mostly) nipped this bad idea in the bud before we threw too much money away on it. But all the constellation class US Navy vessels have jet engines. Because, you know, nuclear power has its own problems.

There were supposed to be nuclear powered cars too. This was back in the era that people were told nuclear power was the solution to everything. “Electricity so cheap they won’t even bother installing meters”. Yeah, they really said that. But imagine having a mini-Chernobyl when two cars collide on Interstate 95.

Jay Leno has America’s largest collection of steam powered cars. Some are unbelievably fast, with top speeds over 100 mph. Most of them take about 15 minutes to warm up after you push the start button. And as Jay often quips, if you have an accident, you can be scalded to death and burned to death at the same time.

The bench players: Biodiesel, anyone? Gasoline made from “switchgrass”? (This was a George Bush pet project). Top off your 18-wheeler with used French fry oil from McDonalds and Burger King? Ethanol made from 100% organic corn grown sustainably on family farms. Now they’re talking up helium. Does cold fusion actually work, or is this a scientific fraud? If you're someone who has grant money to look into something else not mentioned here, please share it with us.

I have no objection to researching ANY of these unlikely solutions. I just don’t want to add to America’s $36 trillion debt. Because most of these are never going to pan out. Let the private sector fund this stuff, with its billionaire angel investors. If they succeed, don’t begrudge them the profits. And If China beats us to market with bamboo stalk power, don’t cast shade on that. Just plant more bamboo here in America.

I’m just sayin’ . . .