Costco gold bar craze – is this an end-of-days sign, or just peak gold pricing?

Photo above - You can now buy gold bullion directly from Costco. A portion of each Costco sale is donated to the care and feeding of their Gulfstream 280 corporate jet.

Costco says its one-ounce gold bars are selling out fast (ktla.com)

I have to admit, I'm not very good at predicting the end of the world. I thought for sure it would happen when Will Smith beat up Chris Rock at the Oscars, over some hair joke. Or when a California court ruled that bees are legally fish, when it comes to compliance with state wildlife regulations. My first impulse in these situations is usually to ask myself “Do I own enough off-brand 1 ounce gold bars to survive?”

Yesterday, my existential angst was both heard, and answered. Costco announced it is now selling gold bars. See link above.

I was about to rush over and put a couple of ingots in my shopping bag. These 1-ounce bars are only $1,950 each. And I probably should pick up some Vaseline intensive care skin lotion, and wet wipes. I might need all 3 if civilization collapses. I bet if I looked on Amazon, they're probably bundled together. “Customers who bought gold bars also bought Pampers Baby Wipes and Great Wall brand imported nun chuck sticks.” Then I learned that Costco doesn't actually have the gold bars in their stores, next to the LG flat panel TVs and laptops. You can ONLY order gold bars from Costco.com online. WTH !!! I can't wait that long !!!

Imagine if you COULD buy gold bars in person, at your local Costco. The National Guard would have to be called out, and even then, it's doubtful they could stop the looters. A hundred high spirited Philadelphia teens stole 1,000 pairs of Adidas and iPhone 15s yesterday.

I'm not comfortable ordering gold bars online. Even if they do come in a discreet package, like adult incontinence products. There's NO WAY some UPS or Fed Ex guys won't immediately figure this packaging out, and get their posse involved. “Yeah, I just dropped 'nother one off at 742 Evergreen Terrace. On the front porch. No Ring doorbell cam, and nobody home. Give it 5 minutes. And wear your hoodie up, because dude across the cul-de-sac got a Ring . . .”

Of course, I DO realize that I can buy Krugerrands at the Diamond Banc, right here in Tampa. You know – the jewelry store right next to the Pampered Peach Wax Bar. I give them my highest rating – 5 stars. The wax bar, I mean, not Diamond Banc – it only gets 3.5 stars on Yelp.

Costco brand gold ingots can't just be a reaction to the impending government shutdown. I told everyone last week that's not going to happen. Even if it does, Congress immediately passes an “ongoing spending resolution” and then votes for a huge new federal deficit the moment our attention is turned to the NFL playoffs or masked bachelor singer. You can look it up if you don't believe me.

When the Jews fled Germany, women sewed gold coins into the hems of their skirts. This subterfuge worked for about 2 minutes, then the Nazis caught on. Before the Shoah (genocide) was over Germany had special squads to extract gold teeth and fillings from corpses of gassed prisoners. THAT's what end-of-times looks like. In the modern era (last 20-30 years) cyclical gold frenzy has been harder to predict. Certainly no one is showing up in Texas with coins in their clothes. The guide mules would take care of that. In Saudi Arabia, they actually have vending machines that sell gold coins and ingots. At the airport. There are pictures. Grinning sheiks swiping their credit cards before they jet off to London for a weekend of gambling and blonde companionship. Remember that, as you top off your Camry with unleaded at $4 a gallon.

So, my take is this - Costco is pranking us. When gold bars and coins start to appear on TV, and in warehouse club stores, it's a sign of excess supply. This is NOT demand driven, no matter how loudly the Costco execs cheer that gold ingots are a home run for them. I can get gold coins at dozens of jewelry stores and precious metals counters here in Florida. And I don't need a $60 annual Costco membership to join the herd of easily stampeded cattle.

But you have to admit, the end of the world IS coming, some day or another. It's just that since World War 2, if you lived in a western democracy, the end of the world has been back burner. If you live in Africa, Latin America, Somalia, etc, it's more front and center. Here's how you know it's the end of YOUR world: you couldn't even dream of owning a 1-ounce gold bar. Your biggest goal is to either get far away, or score an AK47. That's not happening in America yet. People are still trying to get in. And weapons can be bought at the gun shop next to stores like Diamond Banc. It's Footlocker and The Apple Store which look like the end of times, in the midst of the looting.

Final tip - if the one-ounce, $2,000 Krugerrand isn't the right size for you, they're also available convenient in half, quarter, and 1/10th ounce sizes. If you really believe there's an apocalypse coming, I recommend the 1/10th ounce size. About $200, before markup. If the electricity, gas, and water are off, and you're looking to score a gun on the street, don't flash a pocketful of 1 ounce gold coins. The seller in the hoodie isn't going to make change. And at the end of the deal, he's going to have both your Krugerrands AND the gun.

I'm just sayin' . . .