“Call me Letitia . . . 'tis the orange whale I seek . . .”

Letitia James, the NY State Attorney General, must be soooo cheesed. She's been trying – for years – to force Trump into a courtroom. And now the captain of another ship – Alvin Bragg, Manhattan's district attorney – is closing in with HIS harpoon for the kill, instead.

Did anyone see Trump on TV this week? More orange than he's ever been. Couldn't possibly be from a weekend on the golf course. Has to be some sort chemical thing. Jack-o-Trumpkin. In any case, Trump surfaced briefly to announce that if he IS harpooned – er, charged – he intends to surrender voluntarily to the DA.

This of course is causing consternation among democrat mariners manning other whaleboats. They've been chasing Moby Trump for so long, they fear they won't be taken seriously unless their quarry is shown in handcuffs. But how to achieve this, if Trump is going to surrender himself?

Ironically, appearing in handcuffs is probably what Trump yearns for as well. To energize his base, which is dispirited and in disarray. The outrage! Our hero the president in handcuffs!! For the crime of . . .

“Lying about cash given to a porn star” ????

WTH!!! Is that what Alvin Bragg, district attorney, is charging Trump with? Adultery money? Geesuz. After years and years of yammering about everything from Russian collusion, to “emoluments”, to inflated real estate valuations, to mishandled top secret docs, to the January 6th violence? It's going to be hooker cash that gets him?

JFK and RFK are probably glad they're not around to see this. And at least a half dozen of their “known companions”, from actress/nude pinup Marilyn Monroe to mob moll Judith Exner. That was a different era, of course. The press – when they reported on this sort of thing at all – did so with a wink and a smile. “Lookit our boy go!!”

Back to Trump. And Bragg and Letitia James. And whoever else is leaking 24/7 to the press that they ALSO have indictments imminent. Or possibly sometime in the NEXT 3 years.

I'm convinced Trump belongs in a courtroom. But probably not for canoodling with an adult film "actress". What about REAL CRIMES? There should have been plenty of evidence in Trump's communications with Georgia officials. About his intent to interfere with the election results. There might even be some sort of evidence for tax fraud. If prosecutors can ever figure out how to make the case that Trump understands what his accountants put in 5,000 pages of income tax forms. Reality check: you and I don't even think of filing a Turbo Tax return without “the audit support” feature, do we? It means we can't be held liable for criminal deception. Just for additional tax due, if any.

Here's my March Madness wish for all involved:

[b]Trump[/b] – turn yourself in, if actually charged. Don't act out, and bait someone into cuffing you.

[b]DA Bragg [/b]– Bring this thing to trial quickly. Arraign the accused and witnesses via Zoom. No perp walks needed - you're not running for any higher office. And even if he pleads guilty or you win a jury verdict, Trump is NOT going to jail for slipping a few bucks to Stormy Daniels. She probably needs the money anyway – porn careers don't have legs, or come with match 401K retirement plans.

[b]Attorney General Letitia Jame[/b]s – Okay. We get it. You're running for governor. But you know, the longer you drag this out - without convincing ANY judge to agree on an indictment - the more pathetic you look. Pass this thing off to a special prosecutor and get back to work on stuff like: drug cartels, drive by shootings, human trafficking, and slumlords. That's what New York voters are going to ask about. Not “got Trump?”