Nation’s Fetuses Puzzled Why Supreme Court Wants Them Exposed to Air Pollution
Nation’s Fetuses Puzzled Why Supreme Court Wants Them Exposed to Air Pollution
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The United States Supreme Court’s decision to curtail the E.P.A.’s ability to regulate carbon dioxide has drawn a puzzled reaction from the nation’s fetuses.
A statement from the Association of American Fetuses expressed “bafflement” that the Court would issue a ruling that increased the amount of atmospheric carbon monoxide, which has been shown to have a damaging effect on fetal health.
“It’s impossible for us to see today’s ruling as anything but flagrantly anti-fetus,” the statement read. “To say that we fetuses are disappointed would be putting it mildly.”
The fetuses asked John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Amy Coney Barrett, Clarence Thomas, Brett Kavanaugh, and Neil Gorsuch to reconsider their ruling in the E.P.A. case. “It just doesn’t seem very pro-life to us,” the fetuses said.
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https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/nations-fetuses-puzzled-why-supreme-court-wants-them-exposed-to-air-pollution
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The United States Supreme Court’s decision to curtail the E.P.A.’s ability to regulate carbon dioxide has drawn a puzzled reaction from the nation’s fetuses.
A statement from the Association of American Fetuses expressed “bafflement” that the Court would issue a ruling that increased the amount of atmospheric carbon monoxide, which has been shown to have a damaging effect on fetal health.
“It’s impossible for us to see today’s ruling as anything but flagrantly anti-fetus,” the statement read. “To say that we fetuses are disappointed would be putting it mildly.”
The fetuses asked John Roberts, Samuel Alito, Amy Coney Barrett, Clarence Thomas, Brett Kavanaugh, and Neil Gorsuch to reconsider their ruling in the E.P.A. case. “It just doesn’t seem very pro-life to us,” the fetuses said.
More Satire from the Borowitz Report
Trump suggests that Putin should just claim he won.
Senate Republicans punish Susan Collins by making her sit next to Rand Paul.
Trump fears Putin is too distracted by Ukraine to help him with his 2024 campaign.
Elon Musk deletes every Twitter account but his own.
Ron DeSantis warns that math makes children gay.
Ketanji Brown Jackson declines Brett Kavanaugh’s invitation to a beer-pong initiation.
Ted Cruz says the confirmation of a qualified Supreme Court nominee sets a dangerous precedent.
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/nations-fetuses-puzzled-why-supreme-court-wants-them-exposed-to-air-pollution
