Do you get the impression that the NATO countries don't really want Ukraine to join NATO, and that's why they aren't coming to defend it?

It looks to me like Europe has already calculated that a buffer state is a good thing to prevent Russian and NATO forces rubbing shoulders. It'd be like South Korea suddenly deciding they want troops in the demilitarised zone, it's just strategically boneheaded

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firefall · 61-69, M

To some extent, yes they do. But also, it's just too far, strategically, to be able to offer a meaningful defense by NATO, unless you post a few US divisions in-country, which (a) the US wouldnt do and (b) would be interpreted by Russia as an immediate prelude to invasion