Strange Deaths
When I was a kid, a lot of people we knew were related to, died, or, most often, committed suicide. When I asked what seemed to me to be normal, or at least usual, questions, my mother would quickly become very angry and confront me with counter questions, such as, "WHY DO YOU ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" This intimidated me into silence but didn't stop me from wondering about it, especially if the deceased person was someone I really cared about and missed in my life.
It seemed strange to me that we had so many suicides in my family and in my world. One of the saddest, at least for me, was my great-aunt Becky. She killed herself by taking a deliberate overdose of sleeping pills. My mother said Becky had been diagnosed with cancer and feared being a dependent invalid. But later I found out she hadn't actually been diagnosed with cancer but her doctor suspected she might have cancer and so sent her to a lab to be tested for it. She took the test but then without waiting for the results, she went home and killed herself. She had been in trouble with the Communist Party over her conversion to Maoist beliefs; the CP expelled her.
There were other relatives who died by suicide. My cousin Joe committed suicide by deliberately stepping in front of a street car. I asked my mother why he did it, and she said he was a Russian immigrant who had never adjusted to living in the USA. I asked her how long he'd been in the USA and she answered, "28 years." Didn't sound likely to me.
There were many others. Suicides. And also many unusual or unlikely deaths in our social world. Our dentist, a family friend, went on a fishing trip in the mountains and died of a heart attack while fishing. It was the first fishing trip he'd gone on in 30 years. My mother refused to answer any of my questions (like which "mountains" he'd gone to or why he suddenly took a fishing trip after a 30 year hiatus). I think it was because of his profession and how that related to the CP. Dentists are significant people in any secret group.
I have a lot of questionable death stories. My mother would become enraged if I asked any questions about any of these people. No one ever mentioned them again after they died.
It seemed strange to me that we had so many suicides in my family and in my world. One of the saddest, at least for me, was my great-aunt Becky. She killed herself by taking a deliberate overdose of sleeping pills. My mother said Becky had been diagnosed with cancer and feared being a dependent invalid. But later I found out she hadn't actually been diagnosed with cancer but her doctor suspected she might have cancer and so sent her to a lab to be tested for it. She took the test but then without waiting for the results, she went home and killed herself. She had been in trouble with the Communist Party over her conversion to Maoist beliefs; the CP expelled her.
There were other relatives who died by suicide. My cousin Joe committed suicide by deliberately stepping in front of a street car. I asked my mother why he did it, and she said he was a Russian immigrant who had never adjusted to living in the USA. I asked her how long he'd been in the USA and she answered, "28 years." Didn't sound likely to me.
There were many others. Suicides. And also many unusual or unlikely deaths in our social world. Our dentist, a family friend, went on a fishing trip in the mountains and died of a heart attack while fishing. It was the first fishing trip he'd gone on in 30 years. My mother refused to answer any of my questions (like which "mountains" he'd gone to or why he suddenly took a fishing trip after a 30 year hiatus). I think it was because of his profession and how that related to the CP. Dentists are significant people in any secret group.
I have a lot of questionable death stories. My mother would become enraged if I asked any questions about any of these people. No one ever mentioned them again after they died.
70-79, F
