Strange Deaths

When I was a kid, a lot of people we knew were related to, died, or, most often, committed suicide. When I asked what seemed to me to be normal, or at least usual, questions, my mother would quickly become very angry and confront me with counter questions, such as, "WHY DO YOU ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" This intimidated me into silence but didn't stop me from wondering about it, especially if the deceased person was someone I really cared about and missed in my life.

It seemed strange to me that we had so many suicides in my family and in my world. One of the saddest, at least for me, was my great-aunt Becky. She killed herself by taking a deliberate overdose of sleeping pills. My mother said Becky had been diagnosed with cancer and feared being a dependent invalid. But later I found out she hadn't actually been diagnosed with cancer but her doctor suspected she might have cancer and so sent her to a lab to be tested for it. She took the test but then without waiting for the results, she went home and killed herself. She had been in trouble with the Communist Party over her conversion to Maoist beliefs; the CP expelled her.

There were other relatives who died by suicide. My cousin Joe committed suicide by deliberately stepping in front of a street car. I asked my mother why he did it, and she said he was a Russian immigrant who had never adjusted to living in the USA. I asked her how long he'd been in the USA and she answered, "28 years." Didn't sound likely to me.

There were many others. Suicides. And also many unusual or unlikely deaths in our social world. Our dentist, a family friend, went on a fishing trip in the mountains and died of a heart attack while fishing. It was the first fishing trip he'd gone on in 30 years. My mother refused to answer any of my questions (like which "mountains" he'd gone to or why he suddenly took a fishing trip after a 30 year hiatus). I think it was because of his profession and how that related to the CP. Dentists are significant people in any secret group.

I have a lot of questionable death stories. My mother would become enraged if I asked any questions about any of these people. No one ever mentioned them again after they died.

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ArishMell · 70-79, M

Disturbing...

I wonder if your mother had suffered a bereavement, perhaps by suicide, so devastating for her she was frightened to reveal that and to talk about any others.

However you drop hints about the political background that make me wonder if she an dother relatives were too frightened of the authorities to talk about it.

'

I have know three people who committed suicide, though of them know for certain why in only one case. He was a man in his late-70s and seemed still fit and mentally alert, but for some reason we don't know he feared becoming a burden.

The most tragic concerned a friend's wife who it was said had died of an illness. I've more recently been quietly told that in fact she took her own life, unable to bear any longer the guilt she felt over the death of their very young child some time previously. The couple, or at least the wife, was in a religious sect / cult that forbade the treatment that would saved the child, and must have been too frightened of the organisation to ignore it.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@ArishMell My mother suffered the death of her father when she was 11 years old. It was a car accident and she was sitting right next to him when it happened. It might've been a murder; someone may have cut the brake lines. She was physically fighting with her father when it happened so she may have felt at least partly responsible. My grandfather, her father, was a socialist union organizer in Chicago in the pre WWI era. He died, or was killed, in 1921.

ArishMell · 70-79, M

@greenmountaingal Ah, I understand. I am very sorry that she had such tragedies; though it's odd that they were fighting while he was driving.

Yes, many people who have suffered like this do close up.

I have not looked at your profile but your mention of the Communist Party, and the secrecy and nervousness, made me think you are from, or live in, one of the former USSR's East European states.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@ArishMell No, I was born and raised in California. For me, growing up during the Red Scare of the 1950s,it might as well have been the Soviet eastern block.

The fight was about the fact that my mother, an only child, felt her father didn't spend enough time with her. She and her mother (my grandmother) were on vacation staying at a farm in Michigan. Her father (my grandfather) came to visit them there and spent a weekend with them. Then he had to get back to Chicago for his work as the head of a clothing maker's union. My mother pleaded with him to stay and spend more time with her but he insisted he had to get back. He borrowed the farmer's car to drive to the local train station. My mother begged to ride along just so she could spend more time with him. He told her if she ate all her cereal she could ride along (she was chronically underweight and her parents worried about it). So she ate all her cereal and rode along with him. The farmer planned on getting a ride to the station from a neighbor and then picking up his car and driving back to the farm with my mother. I got a description of the accident from an old man who had been a 14 year old boy living on the farm next door when it happened and who witnessed the accident. He described my then 11 year old mother grabbing one of my grandfather's arms and struggling with him. My mother once hit me a number of times, backhand slaps, while driving on a precarious road near a high cliff. We almost got killed. A policeman stopped my mother and said to her: "It's not my business to tell you how to discipline your child but it is my business to tell you that you may not do it in a moving motor vehicle." I thought, and sometimes still think, that the cop was an angel; he saved my life. But when I heard the description of my mother struggling with her father by grabbing his arm, I felt sure I knew where she'd learned how to backhand her kid while driving a car.

ArishMell · 70-79, M

@greenmountaingal Thank you explaining it all.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@ArishMell Thank you for being willing to read it all.