And the one with no say speaks (New poem)

Someone once told me that women have it so easy
Being a woman just seems so breezy
It’s all smiles
Motherhood
Peace
And protection
They don’t see my growing infection
They don’t see my womb climb up my throat
So much time to my body I devote

So much time in my mind
How much freedom can I find
In the cage they have made of my ribs
Mothers bent backs leaning towards cribs
They hear the crack of her spirit
How can you not hear it
How do you not weep and mourn
How many families will be left and torn


My mother regards my father with unheard frustration
Her love was once ground down to infatuation
When I was seven years old
Stuck in the cold
That cold painful cage
That empty wailing rage
That sickness
Echoing through my bones,through my soul
But staying silent is my role

When he violated me
How could I not see
My slight seven year old frame
I can never be the same
His hands cover my mouth and it feels no worse
How could this BE any worse
No
No
No

I used to scream and cry
My limbs and wailing used to fly

Now
I just lie
I just breathe
Maybe I stopped breathing a long time ago
Maybe I am far too shallow
But his hands swim in the sea he has named after him
My hands thrash for whim
For will
Because I can feel him still


I don’t think it ever ceased
His handprints never released
I beg for release
An escape, for peace
Seven years old
So painfully alone
So grown
Too “pretty” to be sad
As if pretty is all I had
As if pretty excuses what he did to me
As if pretty excused the little girl he destroyed, the little girl who longed to be

As if I haven’t spent every waking moment since hating my anatomy
As if this isn’t the most ground down version of me
This living body
This grief I have embodied
This empty plate
This endless wait
All the things I fear to be
But being a woman is easy