Dissapointed of myself

I'm ashamed of myself.
I succumbed to my weakness again.
I wanted to fly freely but once I got the chance I just wanted to land.

I'm always eager to learn how to be better.
I read, I listen and even practice.
But I lack something inside.

Imagine as if you read inside a book all the things you need for a great journey.
But once you step outside the house all the lessons are forgotten, only uncertainty and doubt remain.

I'm ashamed of myself.
Ashamed of how much I lack curiosity.
I act as if I had the courage to be alone.
As if i i could walk without a band

I remember feeling overwhelmed.
It came in waves as big as hills.
All I wanted was a safe space to hide.

But now as I sit alone in this empty house I feel pathetic of how I reacted to waves.
I saw them only as an obstacle and pain.
While I could also view them as a fun activity to surf with my friends.
To be honest i feel alone like rain.

Only when one feels alone he finds out he isn't.
Think of snow.
Every snowflake is unique and falls alone but once fallen it gathers together.
Just like that when me and my friends fall we rely on each other.