Sad poetry.....Birthday Wishes

I close my eyes as I think back,
of vivid memories.
My heart stopped cold, I held my breath,
my mind begins to seize.

I see myself when I was 12,
thinking my mom would die.
If I could stay right next to her,
then she would stay alive.

What was the cause, no one could say,
my mental state had blown.
For I was shamed and felt betrayed,
while teases had been thrown.

The happy child was all but gone,
but I had learned a trick.
A smile was plastered on my face,
although my mind was sick.

My teenage years became but fears
"why must I live this way".
At 21 I loathed myself,
with each and every day.

Feeling a burden, I was too all,
my very soul withdrew.
And Birthday wishes of me to die,
that never did come true.