I Hesitate
You weren't normal for me. My ordinary days dream of a dark room, because stepping out makes me anxious of the nightmares that await, but don't really await. See, I hesitate in what to eat, so I end up not eating. I hesitate, in crossing the road, so I end up walking in circles until I don't have to. I hesitate in saying the right things, so I always end up saying the wrong things. And I hesitate answering the phone, so I leave my phone on silent and never pick up. But when you stumbled into me, I had no moment to hesitate.
You were the serenity to my anxiety. I began eating with you, and even when we didn't eat, you made me feel full. When I couldn't cross the road, you held my hand and brought me there with you. When I said the wrong things, and I always said the wrong things, you made me feel like they were right. And when I saw you call, I always answered. I stopped dreaming of dark rooms.
You never hesitated to hold me, while my arms couldn't decide how to hold you back; was I holding you back? You never hesitated to love me, while I couldn't find the right words. I could never find the right words! But you never hesitated. I should have known you wouldn't hesitate to leave me.
I wanted you to stay as you left, but you weren't holding my hand when you walked across the road so I was stuck. I just wanted to say the right things, I wanted to say anything to bring you back, but I couldn't breathe while anxiety swallowed my words, because no words could do justice, so instead, I slowly watched your silhouette disappear, silently. I turned the volume of my phone all the way up and I waited, but you never called.
Nothing was normal for me. I stopped dreaming of that dark room the moment I began living in it and I couldn't tell you the last time I ate, but I call you now, every day as I walk around in circles. The phone just never rings.
You were the serenity to my anxiety. I began eating with you, and even when we didn't eat, you made me feel full. When I couldn't cross the road, you held my hand and brought me there with you. When I said the wrong things, and I always said the wrong things, you made me feel like they were right. And when I saw you call, I always answered. I stopped dreaming of dark rooms.
You never hesitated to hold me, while my arms couldn't decide how to hold you back; was I holding you back? You never hesitated to love me, while I couldn't find the right words. I could never find the right words! But you never hesitated. I should have known you wouldn't hesitate to leave me.
I wanted you to stay as you left, but you weren't holding my hand when you walked across the road so I was stuck. I just wanted to say the right things, I wanted to say anything to bring you back, but I couldn't breathe while anxiety swallowed my words, because no words could do justice, so instead, I slowly watched your silhouette disappear, silently. I turned the volume of my phone all the way up and I waited, but you never called.
Nothing was normal for me. I stopped dreaming of that dark room the moment I began living in it and I couldn't tell you the last time I ate, but I call you now, every day as I walk around in circles. The phone just never rings.
