she's kinda important though even though I rarely mention her

because the things I learned from that breakup changed my life in the kind of way that things are never ever ever going back to the way they were before I left her. kendall was a pretty big lesson in like Asking more questions of an asexual before letting her in like I know sex isn't your deal but how are you about snuggling and holding your partner? is there such a thing as too much snuggling and is it possible to over do it so much you'll get aggressive and pissed off at me?
Also I guess I realized my limits there like I'm a loud opinioned boy that has a view about EVERYTHING and some of those view are not so loved but Honestly like she changed my life in the kind of way that like things have not been exactly the same ever since because I became more self aware and able to realize that I wasn't bitter about what went down or like mad at her but we were such different people who had such a wide gap in terms of what we actually were seeking from the other and needed.
I started to realize too that Although desire ran the show that after it did it's part there were things the relationship just HAD to be or I would just be even more sad and lonely than I was BEFORE we were a pair.
and she did, she made me feel even loneliner than I was before we were a pair...
I could hate her i could sit here like "THAT !@#$%" but it took two and honestly it was a huge look in the mirror.
Like I drove her away with having such strong views about thingss but really what KILLED US was those moments in which all I wanted to do was hold her and she'd get snippish with me about how I was ALWAYS Like that.
that was when it slipped into being too much like I can deal with the fights it's still better than being alone but if I've overloaded her on physical attention- That's just.... we're doomed as a couple.
Because now I'm even sadder than I was before I had you to remind me how alone I am.