... trouble in paradise....

... trouble in paradise....
Whatever I did, whatever went wrong here it's my fault.
I know.
it must have been me. Everyone's been messing with you and trying to take you out and it's been me and you up againt all these people.

But I'm exhausted myself I don't have enough to give to keep up with you..
Honestly It's just...

There's so much I wanted to do for you I just never got around to and I'm starting to feel guilty for the backlog of content I never actually finished from star trek on down that you gave me to help me pass the days til we can finally see each other.

I don't even know why I'm alive if not for love like I don't want to be here on this earth anymore without it.

but lately everythings been so so so so so vulrenable and I know you've needed more of me and I've been unable so when I see what you wrote I come across as aggressive but in reality I'm lashing out at myself.

You're the whole reason I haven't just given up on everything You're the reason I even have all this that I wanted more from life...

but In my anger for myself I must have hurt you by mistake and I'm sorry...

What else is there to even say I've never cried so much.