@masterofyou Never really felt like it was an addiction. There's nothing really I'm consistently attached to. I mean I get obsessions from time to time but then I get bored of them. Like I'll spend a lot of time online for awhile and then I'll get bored of it and I won't. Or I'll spend a lot of time playing a game, then I'll get bored of it and just forget about it. I have wondered if the cycle of obsession and apathy may be symptomatic of something like bipolar disorder but I have not sought professional help (even though honestly I know I should. I just get really overwhelmed going to new places, talking to new people, and taking on additional responsibilities).

The thing that is consistent is the sense of wanting to avoid things that make me feel overwhelmed. And lots of things make me feel that way. Going to new places. Talking to people that are new to me or really different from me. Feeling like I'm in the way or bothering people. Changes to my routines or plans. Even things like having to take a different route to the store because of a road closure. Trying to find parking downtown. Making my way through a crowd. Having to renew my driver's license. And especially bigger things like moving or taking on new responsibilities at work.

It's like I have a meter for how much stress I can handle before I just break down. Some things wear it down faster than others. And if I do something enough it gets to the point where it doesn't get to me as much anymore. But I feel like new stimuli overwhelms me a lot more than it does most people. And I feel like I have a lower capacity for dealing with changes to my environment and my routine than the average person. And when it gets to be too much, I just shut down. Sometimes it's an outward expression and I'll start freaking out, crying and talking really fast. Other times it's an inward expression, and I'll stop talking at all and my mind just kind of separates from the world and I just go through the motions of the bare minimum to get by like some sort of zombie.

So I don't know exactly what's wrong with me. I think it's different from an addiction. I've got coping mechanisms, and if I take changes in my life slowly I manage to get by. And when I crash these days I can still manage to do my job and pay my bills, even if sometimes things like cleaning and car maintenance get put off for far longer than they should until I'm feeling better.

@Olivine I guess it is like bipolar but you aren't the only one that goes through what you wrote... I too go through this... I'm my wife's care giver we have been married 45 years she has had Multiple Sclerosis for 43 years... So I know anxiety.... With her it is a battle just to think what will be next for her... I wake up in the early morning just to have my mind playing games with me knowing what am I doing wrong and I'm not getting things done, my brain is playing the "what if" game... When I can't take it anymore I get up and start to do things to make it go away.. So I can understand a little at what you go through....