5....from the girl in the pictures
5...That tough feeling
One very strange thing that spanking did and does for me is somehow it makes me feel less tough, less like one of the guys. I was a tom boy when I was young, worked with guys a lot when I got a job and just saw myself as one of the guys even though I definately was not one of the guys. My mom and dad were not very affectionate when I was out of the toddler stage, once I have memories. They weren't huggers, we didn't say I love you that I can remember. I didn't have a lot of physical contact.
My dad and my mom both would always try to act tough, I don't know how else to explain it but they were always very gaurded with folks and the world. Neither one of them wore their heart on their sleve. It wasn't ok to cry, it wasn't ok to show weakness. It was cool to work hard and be tough and "suck it up and walk it off" was a saying they would both use. I am almost certain this helped mold me into this tough individual I had become. Just like them.
I remember when I met "him" he said he thought I was a reform school girl! LOL he tried to hug me after a spanking and I was super confused by that. Again the physical touch. I wasn't used to that.
It took a while for me to understand what the spankings did for me. I knew they made me feel better, and I knew I could only go a few weeks without one (a serious one!) but I didn't really understand it at first.
But then it clicked.
It made me feel less tough. And once I learned there was a different way to be, live, feel I didn't want to be tough anymore. But it would just happen.
And I'd get spanked (for lots of things!!!!) I was bad!!!! and I would feel less tough for a while.
I still get tough after over 10 years with him....and I ask for a spanking to make it go away. I have realized lately that the tough is usually brought on by something that scares or threatens me. The tough is some sort of defense mechanism I've learned over the years.
Now I've grown to love his touch, and hugs, and his care. It's my safe space.
Interestingly enough I think the "tough feeling" is what made me not feel the spankings when we first met. For the first 10 spankings I'd say I never felt them until afterwords. I was so tough and gaurded. Daddy (I didn't call him that at the time) but Daddy knew and he would try to massage my shoulders at first to get me relaxed. I don't know how that tough shell eventually went away with the spankings but it sure did because I feel them now! And I am no longer quiet!!!! I feel every swat!!!!
One very strange thing that spanking did and does for me is somehow it makes me feel less tough, less like one of the guys. I was a tom boy when I was young, worked with guys a lot when I got a job and just saw myself as one of the guys even though I definately was not one of the guys. My mom and dad were not very affectionate when I was out of the toddler stage, once I have memories. They weren't huggers, we didn't say I love you that I can remember. I didn't have a lot of physical contact.
My dad and my mom both would always try to act tough, I don't know how else to explain it but they were always very gaurded with folks and the world. Neither one of them wore their heart on their sleve. It wasn't ok to cry, it wasn't ok to show weakness. It was cool to work hard and be tough and "suck it up and walk it off" was a saying they would both use. I am almost certain this helped mold me into this tough individual I had become. Just like them.
I remember when I met "him" he said he thought I was a reform school girl! LOL he tried to hug me after a spanking and I was super confused by that. Again the physical touch. I wasn't used to that.
It took a while for me to understand what the spankings did for me. I knew they made me feel better, and I knew I could only go a few weeks without one (a serious one!) but I didn't really understand it at first.
But then it clicked.
It made me feel less tough. And once I learned there was a different way to be, live, feel I didn't want to be tough anymore. But it would just happen.
And I'd get spanked (for lots of things!!!!) I was bad!!!! and I would feel less tough for a while.
I still get tough after over 10 years with him....and I ask for a spanking to make it go away. I have realized lately that the tough is usually brought on by something that scares or threatens me. The tough is some sort of defense mechanism I've learned over the years.
Now I've grown to love his touch, and hugs, and his care. It's my safe space.
Interestingly enough I think the "tough feeling" is what made me not feel the spankings when we first met. For the first 10 spankings I'd say I never felt them until afterwords. I was so tough and gaurded. Daddy (I didn't call him that at the time) but Daddy knew and he would try to massage my shoulders at first to get me relaxed. I don't know how that tough shell eventually went away with the spankings but it sure did because I feel them now! And I am no longer quiet!!!! I feel every swat!!!!
80-89, M