I Belive In Total Power Exchange Bdsm
TPE is often considered a form of edge-play because it has the potential to do long-lasting and serious damage (especially to the slave) if it is not done ethically, responsibly, and correctly- and even then it can still be very dangerous. Generally only appropriate for advanced players, even then TPE relationships tend to be regarded as too extreme for most (at least lifestyle TPEs.)
So i will freely admit that it wasn't really wise of me to rush into one the way i did, starting almost six months ago now. i could easily have ended up in a very dangerous and even life-threatening situation by moving too fast into something that i inarguably wasn't at all prepared for. The only reason it has worked out for me is because i was EXTREMELY lucky to end up with a Master who is so ethical, experienced, and understanding. During our negotiation process- which we conducted over Skype as i was living 300 miles from Him when we met- one of Master's conditions was that we would have to move slowly, but that He did want me to relocate closer to Him because He wasn't looking for an online or long-distance relationship. He is just as much into the physical side of domination as the psychological, and He also has a very high sex drive. So i agreed that i would somehow scrape up enough money to either take a bus or buy a cheap beater for transportation to His city, rent a room or apartment, transfer to another college there, and find a job as soon as i could. Because i was a first-year college student i didn't even have my own car and i was living in the dorms. i did have a part-time job and my parents gave me a monthly stipend for expenses, and so i did have a bit of money saved up.
Originally, the plan was for me to come over to Master's house three times a week for training, conditioning, and scenes. i would be under consideration during that time as i continued to simultaneously live my life out in society with school, work, a social life, etc. The only thing Master asked me not to do then was to pursue another D/s, romantic or sexual relationship, which i readily agreed i wouldn't.
But then several tragedies struck all at once that first week we were talking. My parents' house burned down (my severely autistic older brother set the fire,) and my girlfriend and i had a falling out, immediately after which she died in a car accident. i blamed myself for that, and i got depressed and hopeless as a result of the stress brought on by those events. My roommate sort of blamed me for my girlfriend's death, too, and so i felt all alone in life. i was overwhelmed and felt that i couldn't go on.
i eventually had to admit to Master that i just didn't feel up to relocating and doing everything i had to do to be with Him. But because i was so depressed at the time it wasn't just that i didn't feel like i couldn't relocate, but that i also couldn't even bear to go on in life. i was seriously considering suicide, and while i didn't want to tell Him that, He was nevertheless able to figure out pretty easily what sort of mindset i was in. Once it was out, i completely lost my shit and began sobbing, as i had been trying to hold it together for a couple of days, since Ella passed away in the hospital from the injuries she sustained in the accident. i expected Master to be like, "Sorry about all that, wil. It was nice knowing 'ya." But no; He surprised me by sighing and saying something like, "Look, I don't think you're thinking all that clearly right now. You are in crisis, and so you have tunnel vision. Extreme stress can bring that on, especially if you have inappropriate or weak coping mechanisms. I can see now that you are pretty overwhelmed.
And that is understandable because you have been dealt a shit hand, I agree. But that doesn’t have to be the end of it, you don’t have to fold.
I can see you are in desperate need of help, and I’m willing to help you get back on your feet again. I’m willing to help you relocate to be closer to Me, find a job, get into a nearby college, an apartment of your own, things like that.
Will you accept My offer of help?”
Of course i agreed, because the only other option was going back home to my parents and brother, and i knew that just wasn't an option. i'd rather kill myself than end up back in my dysfunctional home life again.
So Master came and picked me up Himself, we continued our negotiations in the truck on the way to His house, and from that He devised a general plan of what we were going to do. For the first time in my life i felt so safe, so at peace, so cared for, because He clearly really did care about me and genuinely wanted to help me. i never felt like i mattered that much to anyone else in my life- my parents included.
Fast-forward to a few weeks later, and things ended up getting really intense between Master and me, really fast. Even now He admits we moved too fast, but at least it all worked out for the best.
i ended up not going back to college, although i did get a job. i also never got my own apartment, needless to say, and i drive Master's second car to work and on errands.
But even more importantly, Master and i have come to realize that i am a very special, unique person with a passion to live in service and total submission to another. In fact, due to my particular mix of strengths and weaknesses, i would always be much better off (and no doubt safer) living in consensual slavery under an ethical and experienced Master than as a "free" unowned slave trying to balance my deep, obsessive yearnings and extremely high sex drive with the demands of running my own life.
And so although i freely admit that rushing so quickly into a lifestyle TPE is very risky, i am one of the few for whom it was actually the safer, better and more fulfilling option.
tl;dr - An explanation of how and why i ended up moving so quickly into a lifestyle TPE because of a specific set of traumatic circumstances that occurred in my life right around the time i met my Master. Lifestyle TPEs are risky and should not normally be rushed into.
So i will freely admit that it wasn't really wise of me to rush into one the way i did, starting almost six months ago now. i could easily have ended up in a very dangerous and even life-threatening situation by moving too fast into something that i inarguably wasn't at all prepared for. The only reason it has worked out for me is because i was EXTREMELY lucky to end up with a Master who is so ethical, experienced, and understanding. During our negotiation process- which we conducted over Skype as i was living 300 miles from Him when we met- one of Master's conditions was that we would have to move slowly, but that He did want me to relocate closer to Him because He wasn't looking for an online or long-distance relationship. He is just as much into the physical side of domination as the psychological, and He also has a very high sex drive. So i agreed that i would somehow scrape up enough money to either take a bus or buy a cheap beater for transportation to His city, rent a room or apartment, transfer to another college there, and find a job as soon as i could. Because i was a first-year college student i didn't even have my own car and i was living in the dorms. i did have a part-time job and my parents gave me a monthly stipend for expenses, and so i did have a bit of money saved up.
Originally, the plan was for me to come over to Master's house three times a week for training, conditioning, and scenes. i would be under consideration during that time as i continued to simultaneously live my life out in society with school, work, a social life, etc. The only thing Master asked me not to do then was to pursue another D/s, romantic or sexual relationship, which i readily agreed i wouldn't.
But then several tragedies struck all at once that first week we were talking. My parents' house burned down (my severely autistic older brother set the fire,) and my girlfriend and i had a falling out, immediately after which she died in a car accident. i blamed myself for that, and i got depressed and hopeless as a result of the stress brought on by those events. My roommate sort of blamed me for my girlfriend's death, too, and so i felt all alone in life. i was overwhelmed and felt that i couldn't go on.
i eventually had to admit to Master that i just didn't feel up to relocating and doing everything i had to do to be with Him. But because i was so depressed at the time it wasn't just that i didn't feel like i couldn't relocate, but that i also couldn't even bear to go on in life. i was seriously considering suicide, and while i didn't want to tell Him that, He was nevertheless able to figure out pretty easily what sort of mindset i was in. Once it was out, i completely lost my shit and began sobbing, as i had been trying to hold it together for a couple of days, since Ella passed away in the hospital from the injuries she sustained in the accident. i expected Master to be like, "Sorry about all that, wil. It was nice knowing 'ya." But no; He surprised me by sighing and saying something like, "Look, I don't think you're thinking all that clearly right now. You are in crisis, and so you have tunnel vision. Extreme stress can bring that on, especially if you have inappropriate or weak coping mechanisms. I can see now that you are pretty overwhelmed.
And that is understandable because you have been dealt a shit hand, I agree. But that doesn’t have to be the end of it, you don’t have to fold.
I can see you are in desperate need of help, and I’m willing to help you get back on your feet again. I’m willing to help you relocate to be closer to Me, find a job, get into a nearby college, an apartment of your own, things like that.
Will you accept My offer of help?”
Of course i agreed, because the only other option was going back home to my parents and brother, and i knew that just wasn't an option. i'd rather kill myself than end up back in my dysfunctional home life again.
So Master came and picked me up Himself, we continued our negotiations in the truck on the way to His house, and from that He devised a general plan of what we were going to do. For the first time in my life i felt so safe, so at peace, so cared for, because He clearly really did care about me and genuinely wanted to help me. i never felt like i mattered that much to anyone else in my life- my parents included.
Fast-forward to a few weeks later, and things ended up getting really intense between Master and me, really fast. Even now He admits we moved too fast, but at least it all worked out for the best.
i ended up not going back to college, although i did get a job. i also never got my own apartment, needless to say, and i drive Master's second car to work and on errands.
But even more importantly, Master and i have come to realize that i am a very special, unique person with a passion to live in service and total submission to another. In fact, due to my particular mix of strengths and weaknesses, i would always be much better off (and no doubt safer) living in consensual slavery under an ethical and experienced Master than as a "free" unowned slave trying to balance my deep, obsessive yearnings and extremely high sex drive with the demands of running my own life.
And so although i freely admit that rushing so quickly into a lifestyle TPE is very risky, i am one of the few for whom it was actually the safer, better and more fulfilling option.
tl;dr - An explanation of how and why i ended up moving so quickly into a lifestyle TPE because of a specific set of traumatic circumstances that occurred in my life right around the time i met my Master. Lifestyle TPEs are risky and should not normally be rushed into.
