The things we learned when we weren’t even trying…

@RunTheJulz I fully understand what you by having this 'mode' and I can't imagine not having it, but maybe for people who don't, they don't know what they are missing?

I did watch that show one or two times as a kid

@BlueGreenGrey I think you’re right about the fact that if you don’t have it you’ll never know what you’re missing out on. I have been worried about losing it and other creative ways that my mind functions in should I be unfortunate enough to lose them due to the numerous neurological injuries causing me to develop severe cognitive decline at an earlier stage in my life. I got a taste of what it is like for my brain function and my creativity to come to a sudden stop and cease to exist while I was taking Prozac for the purpose of gaining weight and muscle that were lost when my 4 traumatic brain injuries which occurred during my sophomore year of college and caused me to lose my sense of taste and smell. I went from being in the best shape in my life up to that point in time (I was 20 years old) and I had taken weight training classes for my PE classes so that I would know how to use free weights specifically. I had gained a lot of upper body strength and core muscle strength from my experience rowing in 4 and 8 person boats for crew my senior year of high school and it helped my snowboarding in ways that I could hardly believe were possible. My cycling ability was boosted by the upper body and core strength as well. I remember taking a 50+ mile ride by myself after not having ridden for almost 2 full years because my college was in such a wet climate for so much of the year and I only had so much time to explore and experience college life although I really didn’t attend classes much after I lost interest in my architecture major and was unable to find a new major that I was passionate about although I did try marine biology and exercise as a movement science kinesiology seemed very promising but it just didn’t end up capturing my attention the way that I hoped it would.
Anyway I was really horrified by the way that Prozac turned me into a “robot” and I had a much better attention span. I read more than ever before for my own pleasure and interest. I felt compelled to read everything from the daily newspaper to books ranging from medical textbooks and the nurses handbook was one that I remember reading and learning all kinds of things that I used in ways that I’m sure were never intended but I wanted to be a responsible “psychonaut” whenever I could get back to my experiments with psychedelic compounds. I really locked onto trying as many different techniques and methods as well as learning about the different types of psychedelic drugs that were available to anyone who was interested and took the right approach to procure them. San Pedro cactus 🌵 was actually available for purchase at most garden centers in my area. Peyote was far more intense but it was also very well known and it was not as easy to find even in a small college town that was very well stocked and widely known for it’s large variety of things that could be purchased in bulk or homegrown. I remember reading a quite interesting quote from the recently deceased Bradley Nowell about how impressed he was by what he could consistently get late on a Sunday night and unfortunately he didn’t survive his interest in various substances. And I remember reading that he actually got into heroin because it allowed him to feel the music in ways that he couldn’t achieve with just his ears and with the best cannabis or anything else really. I can personally attest to the way that my own musical tastes and experiences with feeling music differently due to what happens to be in my system changing not just my mood but my tastes and genres as well as opening my own mind about all kinds of music that is different and eccentric but also so aurally attractive. I was able to see music from a new perspective and it changed everything for me because I no longer wanted music that was marketed to my generation by the music industry and I wanted to hear and feel music as well as learn about why it exists in the first place. The best example of this was when I started to explore reggae music and learn about the culture and social influences that were responsible for its inception and it’s purpose as well as it’s impact. I tried to find the more obscure recordings from the bands that were influences to the more widely known musicians. I knew a little about Bob Nesta Marley but I learned about Lee Scratch Perry and The Congo’s and I was fortunate enough to see many of the great artists play live in my college town as well as in the bigger cities that attract music and musicians of all kinds and had for years. It was a little more special to see a band like Toots and The Maytols playing in a club to a crowd of less than 100 people than it was to see them playing at a large venue that had big screens in order to allow the larger audiences to be able to see the band that they were hearing perform. And I don’t mean to say that it wasn’t a great experience to go to the Fillmore or Great American Music Hall but it was just different. It was really special to be in venues like those that were considered “hallowed ground” for such legendary moments and performances in music history. It was also very interesting to see how music festivals were able to attract large audiences and this allowed them to showcase multiple artists and talents that could play at the same venue at different times and therefore expose new audiences that might not have otherwise seen the opening acts. I’m thinking of how The Vans Warped Tour was able to get punk rock fans excited about seeing acts like Cypress Hill or how it would be possible to see artists from different bands playing together for certain songs. Much like the late 1960s the late 1990s had a very special feeling and then it peaked and it became more commercial and common and the experience became more of a special moment in time that was very much a limited edition of sorts. I never actually got too into Coachella but I did enjoy this sweet spot in time when a lot of bands were young and new like Rage Against The Machine or Beck and some bands just didn’t handle the fame or they didn’t handle the money and the management and marketing spoiled the whole original idea and purpose for the band’s formation in the first place. The Brian Jonestown Massacre is one example that comes to mind when I think about this. Or how Modest Mouse was famous for inconsistent performances and I really liked the way that some artists had side projects. I was really impressed by learning about Jimi Hendrix forming Band Of Gypsies in order to showcase his amazing ability to create new styles of sound. It may not have been a popular choice for the record labels but it made the “musical topography” more appealing to me at least. I just couldn’t get into some bands that seemed to have big followings but in my opinion they often had the unwanted effect of playing songs that all sounded too similar. Dave Mathew’s band is one example that springs to my mind atm. I loved being thrilled with some band’s abilities to make the audience really wild and almost a little scary like Tool which I thought played some amazing live performances but I was definitely not going anywhere near the “pit” or the stage. I stayed in a seat in a balcony or mezzanine level
I was really excited about how affordable it was to see shows when I was younger but it just got so expensive and then music festivals came with their own hazards like getting trampled or having someone come up and cut your handbag straps and run off with your stuff just to get your phone. Fortunately I was never in the victim situation for this but I had friends who were. Anyway I am rambling away…
As far as my brain’s abilities to retain my sense of specialness for a particular pleasing sound I have to hope that it lasts.
It’s much like the feeling of having a brainstorming process become increasingly powerful and productive that it keeps you trying even though you never know when or how or what will come next.
And it’s too late now as they say “the hay is in the barn” so I can only hope for the best 🤞🙏

@RunTheJulz


I absolutely understand, however, I caution you, if you have not had one or more doctors tell you definitely that this will certainly happen, e.g., there is a x% chance you will lose y% of your cognitive function within the next z years due your TBI history, then don't assume the worst. And even if they did and it is 99% guaranteed it will happen, the time you spend on worrying is time you won't get back and time you could've instead spent of savoring everything you can still receive with the mind you still have. I would venture to say that when you were at the peak of your snowboarding you were living for today. Don't stop living for today now, focusing on the worst case scenario robs you, perhaps the worst case scenaro still comes to pass but you didn't get to wring anything else out of your existing cognitive function because worry overwhemled you and robbed you of precious time for seeking stimulation.

I know I'm probably an oversimplifying idiot and maybe even an *sshole, but I just don't want to see you give up completely because of things that might happen, and might happen not tomorrow but next year or next decade if they do happen sooner than normal, and make these outcomes the center of your consciousness, to let your worst days taint all of your days, some of which might have otherwise been better if you were open to receiving them 🤗🤗🤗