The song for good in wicked for good makes me think of my family, past friends, and my ex boyfriend who was also my friend at one point and
It makes me cry so much because it is beautiful and bittersweet. It makes me remember my ex boyfriend and friends and family and what I would say if I saw them for the last time. Well my ex boyfriend and then former friend has not been in my life for two years. I learned so much from him and because of him I have been changed permanently. I haven’t seen my couple of real life friends in months and one in over a year. I worry my couple of friendships are slipping away as people are really busy with their lives and sometimes I feel forgotten. I haven’t seen Sunny in over a year. I haven’t seen Robert in 6 1/2 months even though he is off work Fridays and Saturdays and last time he saw me he got me a sketchpad and colored pencils. I haven’t seen Marissa in 3 1/2 months though we have been in recent contact. I haven’t been texted by Robert since February 11 when he asked me if I have been ok. I feel really shitty I took almost a month to text back sunny since February 19 when he got all upset on Valentine’s Day about losing his beloved dog a few years before. At least I still have my online friends Chester and Bobby. I had mark as a friend until one day he just never seemed to be on WhatsApp or use similarworlds anymore. I got my last message from him on September 29, 2025. This was a little while before I found out I had early stage cancer. I told my real life friends about my cancer too. I’m now cleared from it thank god. I just feel like my family is who I see the most. Also my great aunt fell and hurt herself and is in a rehab center/nursing home getting physical therapy and care. This song also makes me think of my grandparents who died one year ago ( grandmother) and two years ago ( grandfather) I was really harsh in my opinions of them when I was younger but once I understood their back stories I became more understanding. This song applies to any scenario or life experiences where you have been changed for good by knowing someone and are saying goodbye whether that be friends, family, or romantic relationships and where knowing them has had a profound lasting impact on you and you are a better person because of the lessons they taught you. I especially owe my ex boyfriend so much gratitude for the lessons he taught me about relationships and life. He will always be with me wherever I go because he left a mark on my heart and soul. I carry those memories with me as a legacy he left behind. I let him go and set him free to live his life being happier with his second love and I’m certain he got married a while back. He deserved to be really happy and I didn’t feel I could give him the love he deserved and he also let me go to find someone in real life I could be with who was close by. The saddest part was his love for me long ago was unconditional and so pure. He would have done anything he could for me. I know deep down he loved me so much that he thought me staying with him wasn’t good for my future because our relationship wasn’t going to become real life anytime soon and he felt that being online he couldn’t even hug me or comfort me when I needed it. He told me I was still young, smart, and beautiful it would be easy for me to find someone who could help me become independent and for someone to love me. He told me though he wanted to get back together with me ( this was months before he met his future wife) he wasn’t going to do that to me. He told me he loved me and missed me so much, but decided it was better to be friends because he couldn’t give me what I needed being so far away. He sent me a clip from 13 reasons why saying I can love you and still let you go to be clear on what he meant Clay jensens eulogy
at Hannah bakers funeral. He didn’t want me to suffer more than I already had been.
Sujeet cared for me as best as he could living in India and being my online boyfriend three years ago. Because we were so honest with each. Other we grew to love each other so much over seven to eight years. Actually I was in love within a few weeks to a couple of months of knowing him looking back now. I just didn’t realize it at the time. He was the one long ago who asked me to please be with him as he was falling in love with me. In some ways we were similar in that we felt misunderstood by others and lost in the world and really longing for someone to understand us both. And we both were creatively and intellectually inclined. We had a lot of similar values and goals especially with lifestyle choices. He knew I was dependent on my parents financially and psychologically I was a mess. He still loved me anyway. He knew I wasn’t a functional thriving adult and he thought with some effort I could change my life to be much more independent and become less depressed. He thought part of my depression were my life circumstances. That certainly was true but I also did not take much initiative to change my circumstances. He was constantly advising me to finish my online vocational courses which would help me learn skills to land flexible employment first with the tech courses which taught visual design and web development and later when I signed up for proofreading and editing courses, he said you could go to ChatGPT and others and correct your writing but at least I would have a skill to use. He supported all my endeavors like my parents who paid for sewing classes, online proofreading course, online tech course blueprint, and who paid for me to attend college which I dropped out after my junior year. He often pushed me and asked me if I was doing my studies ( online vocational courses) and my parents and Sujeet gave me ideas for professional career choices. He was worried that if I didn’t finish something he could see something like a breakup happening eventually. I should have tried harder to become financially independent to take one step closer to being together in real life. He was very sure about me and he also couldn’t afford to save enough money to travel internationally long distance because his job didn’t pay him very much even though he had a stable accounting job and his expenses including supporting his aging parents with his brother. We were having so many obstacles to being together from the start. If he lived in America with me how would he keep his accounting job from India? I wouldn’t have minded financially supporting him and helping my family and his family if I could afford it while he got his feet on the ground. I don’t know if accounting school in India with a bachelors of business and finance from IGNOU would be accepted in the United States as equivalent qualifications. I just feel so sad still that things did not work out between us. Sometimes I think if I hadn’t given up on my studies. He met me when I was 23 several months after I dropped out at UMASS Dartmouth. If I finished university with at least a bachelors degree, finished my online vocational training courses without getting stuck on course material or final exams, and stuck to my studies I could have had a remote flexible career and wouldn’t need to be on disability benefits. I’m sure Sujeet would be understanding yet disappointed if I told him I was on disability benefits because he thought if I just tried with enough effort I could change my life and have an education and career and then live where I wanted once I had a career.i feel like I let him and my parents down. I let myself down. My parents applied on my behalf four times before I got accepted. I hope this is not a forever thing. I feel lazy and entitled being on them to be honest. Even though I have debilitating mental illnesses and had cancer for a little while, I feel like with the right kind of career I will be able to work. Anyway part of my lessons I learned from Sujeet is I have to learn to believe in myself and work hard for what I want or I will lose the most precious person in my life outside my family. I did lose him. But I don’t know where we would be today if I was no closer to making an online relationship real life three years later. I wonder how much longer he would have held out waiting for me if I never broke up with him. I know he eventually wanted a real life relationship and where we could see each other each day and live together and get married etc. but neither of us wished for any children. I don’t know now what would have happened. He moved on from me pretty quickly eight months after I broke up with him he was engaged to be married. He knew his now wife for two to three months tops during dating/courting and getting engaged. All I know is this man changed me and my life forever. I wish I could hug him and tell him thank you for loving me once upon time. I don’t think our love ever died though he moved on. I’m certain he will always remember me as his first true love and the good times we had and the challenging times. He will always remember I ended up being a little crazy. He used to playfully refer to me as his crazy girl because I would stick out my tongue at him in a silly way. He loved me warts and all. I loved him because he was so easy to love with his kindhearted gentle nature. He was really accepting of me and understood me so well. I still get a tender affectionate glow inside when I think of him. I wonder if he is happy now and at peace with his life choices. I wonder if he still misses me though his wife is in his life. I want to believe he still thinks of me sometimes and smiles. We were two souls who parted ways but I feel will live on in each other forever until the day we die. Our paths diverged but we always managed to say goodbye with no ill will or malice. My life with him felt like a fairy tale. It doesn’t matter who is to blame for the relationship ending or our friendship ending later, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll always love him in whatever form it takes. If he is happier without me in his life so he can pay full attention to his wife and not have conflict. Then so be it. I just hope he thinks of me like I think of him. I had two other significant others before him but none that made me stay in love for this long. Sujeet warmed my heart mind and soul. I will never forget him. Just like elphaba and Glinda have been changed for the better and for good. I was led to him because he helped most to grow because I let him. I opened my heart to him and I hope I helped him in return to know his worth. It’s like sometimes I end up thinking he died than just simply vanished and is just living his life. He is out there somewhere living in Delhi India or maybe another part of India now. I did let him know in an update that I don’t have cancer anymore and then said goodbye again. I didn’t want him to feel guilty or scared that I was dying because on Snapchat I saw the message that I left him had been opened. I emailed him my update on life. Every person who I was friends, romantic partners, or family with changed me for good. Sujeet was my lover and best friend at one point. His love changed me even though he left me on my own after he met his wife and married her. He will always be mine in spirit. His presence still lingers and his memory and love will always be by my side until the day I die. I don’t know what I would have done without him all those years ago. We were meant to find each other even if it was just virtual relationship. He gave me hope and was a light in my life when I was at my lowest. I will always love him even though he is gone. I promised myself I would eventually live the best life I could in his honor because that is what he would have wished for me. To be happy and successful at whatever path I took. He wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad but to look forward and fulfill my dreams and goals even if he isn’t here to share them with me. He wanted me to take care of myself and live a good life. I cry as I remember his last letter to me here but I know going our separate ways was for the best especially for him. I wish I could have stayed his good friend and we could have stayed in each others lives and I could have video called him sometimes and texted him email and phone called him. I wonder if eventually I could have met him and his wife even if we were old and grey haired but I know that his wife would not want him to be friends with his ex girlfriend. Well that’s life. He also chose to cut me out of his life so he was decisive about that. Even when I told him I had cancer I didn’t hear a word. Truthfully I was very angry that he didn’t at least ask if I was ok. But I forgive him now. And I hope he forgave me for all the times I made him feel unloved and ignored in my depression and for breaking his heart. I also hope he forgave me for writing to him trying to preserve our friendship after he basically told me goodbye. 👋 there is blame to share like the song says but none of it seems to matter anymore. Because I knew him, I have been changed for good. I wish I could send him this song and let him know I am thinking of him, but that would go against me trying to stick to telling him goodbye completely when it is clearly what he desires. Goodbye Sujeet may god protect you and give you a fulfilling joyful life.
at Hannah bakers funeral. He didn’t want me to suffer more than I already had been.
Sujeet cared for me as best as he could living in India and being my online boyfriend three years ago. Because we were so honest with each. Other we grew to love each other so much over seven to eight years. Actually I was in love within a few weeks to a couple of months of knowing him looking back now. I just didn’t realize it at the time. He was the one long ago who asked me to please be with him as he was falling in love with me. In some ways we were similar in that we felt misunderstood by others and lost in the world and really longing for someone to understand us both. And we both were creatively and intellectually inclined. We had a lot of similar values and goals especially with lifestyle choices. He knew I was dependent on my parents financially and psychologically I was a mess. He still loved me anyway. He knew I wasn’t a functional thriving adult and he thought with some effort I could change my life to be much more independent and become less depressed. He thought part of my depression were my life circumstances. That certainly was true but I also did not take much initiative to change my circumstances. He was constantly advising me to finish my online vocational courses which would help me learn skills to land flexible employment first with the tech courses which taught visual design and web development and later when I signed up for proofreading and editing courses, he said you could go to ChatGPT and others and correct your writing but at least I would have a skill to use. He supported all my endeavors like my parents who paid for sewing classes, online proofreading course, online tech course blueprint, and who paid for me to attend college which I dropped out after my junior year. He often pushed me and asked me if I was doing my studies ( online vocational courses) and my parents and Sujeet gave me ideas for professional career choices. He was worried that if I didn’t finish something he could see something like a breakup happening eventually. I should have tried harder to become financially independent to take one step closer to being together in real life. He was very sure about me and he also couldn’t afford to save enough money to travel internationally long distance because his job didn’t pay him very much even though he had a stable accounting job and his expenses including supporting his aging parents with his brother. We were having so many obstacles to being together from the start. If he lived in America with me how would he keep his accounting job from India? I wouldn’t have minded financially supporting him and helping my family and his family if I could afford it while he got his feet on the ground. I don’t know if accounting school in India with a bachelors of business and finance from IGNOU would be accepted in the United States as equivalent qualifications. I just feel so sad still that things did not work out between us. Sometimes I think if I hadn’t given up on my studies. He met me when I was 23 several months after I dropped out at UMASS Dartmouth. If I finished university with at least a bachelors degree, finished my online vocational training courses without getting stuck on course material or final exams, and stuck to my studies I could have had a remote flexible career and wouldn’t need to be on disability benefits. I’m sure Sujeet would be understanding yet disappointed if I told him I was on disability benefits because he thought if I just tried with enough effort I could change my life and have an education and career and then live where I wanted once I had a career.i feel like I let him and my parents down. I let myself down. My parents applied on my behalf four times before I got accepted. I hope this is not a forever thing. I feel lazy and entitled being on them to be honest. Even though I have debilitating mental illnesses and had cancer for a little while, I feel like with the right kind of career I will be able to work. Anyway part of my lessons I learned from Sujeet is I have to learn to believe in myself and work hard for what I want or I will lose the most precious person in my life outside my family. I did lose him. But I don’t know where we would be today if I was no closer to making an online relationship real life three years later. I wonder how much longer he would have held out waiting for me if I never broke up with him. I know he eventually wanted a real life relationship and where we could see each other each day and live together and get married etc. but neither of us wished for any children. I don’t know now what would have happened. He moved on from me pretty quickly eight months after I broke up with him he was engaged to be married. He knew his now wife for two to three months tops during dating/courting and getting engaged. All I know is this man changed me and my life forever. I wish I could hug him and tell him thank you for loving me once upon time. I don’t think our love ever died though he moved on. I’m certain he will always remember me as his first true love and the good times we had and the challenging times. He will always remember I ended up being a little crazy. He used to playfully refer to me as his crazy girl because I would stick out my tongue at him in a silly way. He loved me warts and all. I loved him because he was so easy to love with his kindhearted gentle nature. He was really accepting of me and understood me so well. I still get a tender affectionate glow inside when I think of him. I wonder if he is happy now and at peace with his life choices. I wonder if he still misses me though his wife is in his life. I want to believe he still thinks of me sometimes and smiles. We were two souls who parted ways but I feel will live on in each other forever until the day we die. Our paths diverged but we always managed to say goodbye with no ill will or malice. My life with him felt like a fairy tale. It doesn’t matter who is to blame for the relationship ending or our friendship ending later, it just doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll always love him in whatever form it takes. If he is happier without me in his life so he can pay full attention to his wife and not have conflict. Then so be it. I just hope he thinks of me like I think of him. I had two other significant others before him but none that made me stay in love for this long. Sujeet warmed my heart mind and soul. I will never forget him. Just like elphaba and Glinda have been changed for the better and for good. I was led to him because he helped most to grow because I let him. I opened my heart to him and I hope I helped him in return to know his worth. It’s like sometimes I end up thinking he died than just simply vanished and is just living his life. He is out there somewhere living in Delhi India or maybe another part of India now. I did let him know in an update that I don’t have cancer anymore and then said goodbye again. I didn’t want him to feel guilty or scared that I was dying because on Snapchat I saw the message that I left him had been opened. I emailed him my update on life. Every person who I was friends, romantic partners, or family with changed me for good. Sujeet was my lover and best friend at one point. His love changed me even though he left me on my own after he met his wife and married her. He will always be mine in spirit. His presence still lingers and his memory and love will always be by my side until the day I die. I don’t know what I would have done without him all those years ago. We were meant to find each other even if it was just virtual relationship. He gave me hope and was a light in my life when I was at my lowest. I will always love him even though he is gone. I promised myself I would eventually live the best life I could in his honor because that is what he would have wished for me. To be happy and successful at whatever path I took. He wouldn’t have wanted me to be sad but to look forward and fulfill my dreams and goals even if he isn’t here to share them with me. He wanted me to take care of myself and live a good life. I cry as I remember his last letter to me here but I know going our separate ways was for the best especially for him. I wish I could have stayed his good friend and we could have stayed in each others lives and I could have video called him sometimes and texted him email and phone called him. I wonder if eventually I could have met him and his wife even if we were old and grey haired but I know that his wife would not want him to be friends with his ex girlfriend. Well that’s life. He also chose to cut me out of his life so he was decisive about that. Even when I told him I had cancer I didn’t hear a word. Truthfully I was very angry that he didn’t at least ask if I was ok. But I forgive him now. And I hope he forgave me for all the times I made him feel unloved and ignored in my depression and for breaking his heart. I also hope he forgave me for writing to him trying to preserve our friendship after he basically told me goodbye. 👋 there is blame to share like the song says but none of it seems to matter anymore. Because I knew him, I have been changed for good. I wish I could send him this song and let him know I am thinking of him, but that would go against me trying to stick to telling him goodbye completely when it is clearly what he desires. Goodbye Sujeet may god protect you and give you a fulfilling joyful life.
31-35, F
