NickTiger · 26-30, MNew
I also have ADHD, many autistic friends and also trauma. I haven't worked with EMDR but with EMI (which is very similar) and Brainspotting. Also Egostate, EnergyPsychology, Holotropic Breathwork, FamilyConstellations. Now, idk about your trauma (mine have been death of parent, childhood violence and difficult family situation). The #1 thing I can tell you that has been the most important for me, and you may not like to hear it, is to take 100% accountability for myself and my health. No "oh, I have adhd, I can't do that' or "I am so traumatized, I can't do that" or "I may have autism, I don't understand dating". None of this. 100% accountability. "I can learn this", "I choose to ask for help". For me David Goggins has helped. This approach is very different from the trend in psychology where there is a tendency to blame others/parents for our misery. The #2 thing I can tell you is to find a therapist who is alike and you can work with. I had positive experiences #Egostate, #emotional validation even if it's the oppostie to # David Goggins approach but both of them add up together. The approaches really matter less than the person. The #3 thing, esp. for trauma is to seek spiritual help. For me, a buddhist community I've visited for a year and buddhist teachings have helped me a lot. You can also watch YT - esp. Swami Sarvapryanada (Advaita Vedanta, similar to some buddhism), Dr Dyer Wayne, and Dr. K (esp. good for ADHD, CPTSD videos), Dr. Hallowell, Dr. Russels Barkley (both for ADHD), Mitesh Kharti. Dr. K says in one of his CPTSD video that CPTSD is trauma on the spiritual level. He had lived in temple in the past and also has had ADHD traits. Finally, I've had very positive experiences in Tantra groups (esp. with the breathing exercises); one mate was able to let go of his social anxiety there). Tantra is sexual but much more than that (observe without judging, honor the divine in you, unconditional love, unintentional touch). However, I know from my autistic friends, they would never do that, soooo... You can also look into TRE (trauma release exercises which are amazing for shock trauma), advanced energy psychology, Somatic Experiencing, Yoga for Trauma, Nei Dan Gong, CST (cranio sacral therapy), bodypsychotherapies (esp. Hakomi), neuroaffective touch, ah, NLP and Lifespan Integration of course. (feel free to also look into TBT (trauma buster technique), schematherapy, MBT, NARM, IRRT, ...) For the ADHD, I'd say the most important non-medical things are to keep our environment clean & minimalistic (possibly with the help of a structure) and use our hyperfocus to succeed at what matters to us. EMI/EMDR are good to tell a traumatic memory and soften the emotional reaction to it. Over and over. It is particularly good for events that has happened that cause you now terrible memories. Brainspotting arguably goes deeper and helps you create a new positive experience by just looking at a point for an extended period until the heavy emotional reaction softens. Both EMDR/EMI and Brainspotting are amazing for trauma and there is more and more research done. Jungian analysis helps understand the collective unconscious. In summary: 1. take 100% accountability 2. find 'emotional validation' for the inner child or somatic exercises for the physical trauma 3. seek spiritual insights for inner peace. But trauma healing is highly individual and what works for one may not work at all for another. You're never alone (be it adhd, autism, trauma, ocd, ...) <3
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GoldenOldie · 31-35, M
Thank you for taking the time to share all of this; I can tell you’ve explored a lot of ground on your healing journey, and it means something that you’d open that up to someone else. I really respect the depth and honesty in your message, and while not everything may align perfectly with where I’m at, I found a lot of what you said both thought-provoking and encouraging.
I’m currently navigating OCD alongside AuDHD and complex PTSD, so it’s been a layered and sometimes difficult process. My OCD in particular has been shaped by a very specific, real-life trauma experience that took place when I was a teenager; an online situation on MySpace that spiraled into intense guilt, confusion, and fear of having harmed others. It left a lasting imprint and has been at the center of my compulsive rumination and need for closure ever since. Because of that, my OCD hasn’t always been easy for therapists to recognize or treat; especially through the NHS, where services are stretched and often lack the nuance to handle complex, intersecting conditions like OCD, autism, and trauma. That mismatch has left me hesitant, at times even mistrustful, about reaching out for further support; though I know I need it.
That’s part of why I appreciated your mention of EMDR and Brainspotting. I’ve been seriously considering EMDR in particular, since I’m aware that traditional CBT doesn’t always reach the deep emotional imprint trauma can leave behind. It’s encouraging to hear that you’ve had positive experiences with EMI and Brainspotting; and your explanation of the difference between softening emotional reactions versus creating new emotional experiences helped clarify something I hadn’t quite put into words before. I’m definitely looking for something that can reach the nervous system level of healing, not just the intellectual understanding of what happened.
I also really agree with what you said about the importance of finding the right therapist; not just someone who’s trained, but someone who really understands neurodivergence, trauma, and the emotional landscape you’re carrying. I’ve found that when a therapist doesn’t understand OCD or autistic traits, especially when it comes to emotional nuance or moral distress, it can actually make things worse. So emotional validation and a solid relational fit are both really high on my list now.
As for the idea of accountability. I think I hear what you’re saying, and I appreciate the way you framed it. I believe in taking responsibility for myself and my healing, even when it’s hard. At the same time, I try to be gentle with the parts of me that shut down or freeze under overwhelm. For me, it’s less “I can’t do this” and more “this is hard for me right now, but I want to learn how.” That mindset feels more sustainable and I think it sits somewhere between grit and compassion, which both have their place.
Your mention of spiritual support also resonated. I’ve had a sense for a while now that not everything I’m dealing with can be approached purely through logic or clinical models. I’m still feeling out what “spiritual” means for me, but I’m open to exploring the resources you shared especially Swami Sarvapriyananda and Dr. K. I’ve come across Dr. K before, and I agree that he seems to really understand the intersections of ADHD, trauma, and even deeper existential questions in a way that feels human and grounded.
Some of the other modalities you mentioned; like TRE, Nei Dan Gong, or Tantra are less familiar to me, and I appreciate the way you shared them without pushing. I can tell you’re aware that healing isn’t one-size-fits-all. For what it’s worth, I also appreciate the nuance you brought to things like Tantra not being suited for everyone, especially those of us on the spectrum. That kind of awareness makes a difference.
So again; thank you. You’ve clearly done a lot of deep inner work and reflection, and it’s generous of you to share that with others. I’ll take what resonates and explore the rest at my own pace. This stuff is highly individual, but hearing from someone who’s walked a complex path with honesty and insight helps remind me I’m not alone.
And you’re right: neither are you.
I’m currently navigating OCD alongside AuDHD and complex PTSD, so it’s been a layered and sometimes difficult process. My OCD in particular has been shaped by a very specific, real-life trauma experience that took place when I was a teenager; an online situation on MySpace that spiraled into intense guilt, confusion, and fear of having harmed others. It left a lasting imprint and has been at the center of my compulsive rumination and need for closure ever since. Because of that, my OCD hasn’t always been easy for therapists to recognize or treat; especially through the NHS, where services are stretched and often lack the nuance to handle complex, intersecting conditions like OCD, autism, and trauma. That mismatch has left me hesitant, at times even mistrustful, about reaching out for further support; though I know I need it.
That’s part of why I appreciated your mention of EMDR and Brainspotting. I’ve been seriously considering EMDR in particular, since I’m aware that traditional CBT doesn’t always reach the deep emotional imprint trauma can leave behind. It’s encouraging to hear that you’ve had positive experiences with EMI and Brainspotting; and your explanation of the difference between softening emotional reactions versus creating new emotional experiences helped clarify something I hadn’t quite put into words before. I’m definitely looking for something that can reach the nervous system level of healing, not just the intellectual understanding of what happened.
I also really agree with what you said about the importance of finding the right therapist; not just someone who’s trained, but someone who really understands neurodivergence, trauma, and the emotional landscape you’re carrying. I’ve found that when a therapist doesn’t understand OCD or autistic traits, especially when it comes to emotional nuance or moral distress, it can actually make things worse. So emotional validation and a solid relational fit are both really high on my list now.
As for the idea of accountability. I think I hear what you’re saying, and I appreciate the way you framed it. I believe in taking responsibility for myself and my healing, even when it’s hard. At the same time, I try to be gentle with the parts of me that shut down or freeze under overwhelm. For me, it’s less “I can’t do this” and more “this is hard for me right now, but I want to learn how.” That mindset feels more sustainable and I think it sits somewhere between grit and compassion, which both have their place.
Your mention of spiritual support also resonated. I’ve had a sense for a while now that not everything I’m dealing with can be approached purely through logic or clinical models. I’m still feeling out what “spiritual” means for me, but I’m open to exploring the resources you shared especially Swami Sarvapriyananda and Dr. K. I’ve come across Dr. K before, and I agree that he seems to really understand the intersections of ADHD, trauma, and even deeper existential questions in a way that feels human and grounded.
Some of the other modalities you mentioned; like TRE, Nei Dan Gong, or Tantra are less familiar to me, and I appreciate the way you shared them without pushing. I can tell you’re aware that healing isn’t one-size-fits-all. For what it’s worth, I also appreciate the nuance you brought to things like Tantra not being suited for everyone, especially those of us on the spectrum. That kind of awareness makes a difference.
So again; thank you. You’ve clearly done a lot of deep inner work and reflection, and it’s generous of you to share that with others. I’ll take what resonates and explore the rest at my own pace. This stuff is highly individual, but hearing from someone who’s walked a complex path with honesty and insight helps remind me I’m not alone.
And you’re right: neither are you.
GoldenOldie · 31-35, M
@Onryo I hear what you are saying — just be careful isolation might feel safe; but it can be risky and dangerous. I do hope things will get better for us both ❤🩹