I Love Cannibalism

In this Psychosis from 2015 I experience what I called "Cannibal Love" I fell into a deep trance because I was thinking of Christianity. Was thinking about how Christianity was a cosmic religion a religion of the higher self. Since I'm Mexican and had issues with racial Identity and loving/hating my own skin color at one point. I found my self looking into Satanism and Christianity. Realize that Satanism was a religion that indulged in the of pleasures of the flesh while Christianity was different. I was thinking of the Eucharist and realize that Christ was mocking Vampires and Cannibals, to be exact to me this symbolizes savagery primitive nature of man that Christ overcame. Was also Thinking also about genesis the forbidden fruit of knowledge and pondering about good and evil being a illusion.I thought of how cannibalism was darker than drinking blood and my old boogeyman my nemesis came into mind "Leatherface". I was thinking of a scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre the part were they are making fun of Christ or Christianity. I was like damn that is a devilish movie.This sortof questions plague my mind like when a storm hits and kills people. Is not called "evil". Well I then thought of a scenario were I had a son not having food and both us were starving I thought off chopping my arm of out of the love for my son so he can eat and survive. At that moment Abraham and his son sacrifice came into mind. I then proceeded to tell my son that cannibalism was evil and don't eat my forehand. After this I was thinking how whites called my race savage and started thinking of the Aztecs, Inca, and Mayan but thinking more of Aztecs since they are from Mexico and my family coming from there. Then an idea struck me that the Aztecs were indeed savages but they had built a civilizations. This made me proud to know I descended from this people and wrote in a paper "Aztec Heart with Christ in mind", indeed we humans are made in the image of the beast. I was a savage primitive animal baptize to be made in the image of Christ the Cosmic Consciousness . To me the Conquistadors came to civilize this Savages and spread Christianity. I know that implying today's morality, the conquistadors might seem just as barbaric as the Aztecs this is what I like about Christianity, why I'm drawn to it, it has a game called temptation were we are tempted to say yes or no (in the past I did a sacrifice to my Aztec civilization showing that death was the only way to show redemption to my people in this sacrifice I did it for the love of my Native American blood that is From Canada to Argentina I never hated people based on their race and creed. But, what made hate my native blood was me dining into worlds I shouldn't have out of curiosity and knowledge to know how my enemy thinks. During that time I hated my Native race but not Africans, Arabs,Jews, or Asians. I hated my Amerindian blood.Hate was trying to override the light left in me the female Ying, I cutted my wrist and bleed and ended up in the hospital, when I did this sacrifice I did it with Christ in mind and his burning heart yearning for love. I even went onto a wilder trip because my middle finger at the hospital had a Red Cross, was it a sign? don't know. Their was another incident were I was psychotic and had written with blood in my chest, a cross. It was a sign that I still had Christ in mind and I rather die with him in mind, I past out in the Car as my family drove me to the hospital were I thought the world was ending because I slowly blacking out) Ok so back to the story I was thinking of all this crazy stuff and out of nowhere one night my mouth felt posses and I was craving human flesh I got scared and wouldn't sleep wouldn't eat because I crave human flesh. I locked my self in my room to avoid people. 1 week later passed Still craved human flesh started sleeping with my mom and dad because I thought a cannibalistic secret society developed a machine to control my mouth. hence told psychiatrist about "demonic machines" but this secret society hated me because I was Christian and wanted revenge because I called them savages when I was thinking of Eucharist. I still felt like eating my mom and I wanted to fight my dad. I thought he wanted to eat me I saw his lip twitch and I said yup his a cannibal. but what stop me from acting and harming my family was the love I had towards them. I truly felt like god had abandon me because my mouth felt posses. cant remember everything that happen after that but I do remember The Tv was on Fox News they were interviewing a blonde girl in a blue dress and I notice that here teeth were diamond cut and I was like a cannibal girl has fallen in love with me. I also started thinking of demonic possession when my mouth felt posses. It was the same time when I was still psychotic. My mom or brother had called the cops and two cops came inside the house because I told them I felt like someone was walking in attic,a ghost, it didn't sound like squirrels to me just as family had suggested, I heard squirrels make noise. We then headed towards the garage. The cops told me the attic was locked as we talked my right arm felt posses and all I think of was of knifing the two cops but my arm felt weird like I didn't have control I had a urge that I can't explain , it was so severe that I wanted to grab my posses arm and hold it down with other hand. Cops told me if I wanted to harm my self or hurt people I was like no, I didn't want to go to the psych ward again.