This is a lovely story x

*Update* #2 😊

I wasnt going to write tonight, mostly because Iam still refecting on o
everything 🥰

Yesterday J & I met in person. After the video call, I wasn no certainty if or when - we would meet up.

But as it happened we were texting ( like we have been for a year) and to make a long story short.

We arranged that I would pop over to his to bring him some flu stuff, because he had been under the weather for a few days.

Anyhow at the eleventh hour, J msged & said something like " shall we do this another day?"

So I msged him back more than peeved and said J this yet another avoidance strategy & told him " we are never going to meet are we?".

Then a few minutes later. I thought No its - Now or Never.

I knew he would be at home . So said to him no more avoidance - this IS going to happen.

He lives an hours drive from me .. so it was a bit out of my comfort zone to commit myself under yes come / no dont circumstances.

But I then I thought YES - I really do have to go.

Well I arrived, knock knock , ring lol 😆

When suddenly while waiting for the front door to open.
It dawned on me after all this time - hes actually going to be standing on the other side of this door.

A moment later the door sort of slowly opened.

We looked at each other and gently smiled. For some huge reason (although the video call went well)

I had expected to feel some sort of unfamiliarity. But there was none.

😊 It was lovely!

Following him through, closing the door behind me felt like I had been doing this visit to his for years.

Well we sat close together fingers touching and stroking very delicately each others fingers.. hands, arms .

While at the same time we were talking as if.. in a very beautiful way -

This moment, had happened time & time before.When suddenly & very gently we lent forward & our lips met.

I cant find the actual words ..except to say my heart skipped one beat and then another.

If one could paint a picture of a perfectly beautiful kiss. The moment ..our moment would have been captured 💞



We spent maybe another 15 mims together then circumstances not permitted.

We really did have to say goodbye rather quickly.
We stood and held each other, I felt his heart beating softly against my cheek.
(He's taller than me)

We busied ourselves leaving and got into the car, his stop was less than 3 mins away. As we embraced & said our goodbyes.

I knew driving back, I had lots to think about. Meeting J as made me realise more than I had previously thought about before.

Today is the day after, and I have had thoughts wirling about in mind.

Still we have moved into a different space, and J being J . I'm really unsure of what the next chapter will bring.


My online dating profile switched off
Indefinitely ..maybe ?

Hmmmm Who knows 😉

*Update* I must write 🍎

Yesterday we had the the most amazing breakthrough. Finally after all the mis-starts J said yes to a video call .

I thought he might back out at the last min.. but he didn't. I guess it was one of those moments lots of time has gone past and ..it happened.

I could hardly believe it when O saw him on the screen . He was no Catfish, he IS for real!

We started to talk .. quite naturally nothing felt false or contrived. Mid conversation there were pauses & silences. But none of them awkward.

On reflection.. we spent all of the silence, just smiling and looking deep into each others eyes .

I guess making up for a whole year, when we hadn't had the opportunity.

Before the call I tried really hard not to have any expectations of him other than - hope he would be the Man who's photos I had looked at for a year,

and the guy who for the same amount of time, had brought to my mind such a deep sense of 'Home & Peace'

Truth was during those 45 mins he had exceeded those expectations and brought in something more. His soul is so calm & humble in a way thats can be experienced to be fully appreciated.

Tbh I'm astounded has to how on point my intuition had been about him from the start. I feel was accurate its bonkers ☺ He's just lovely.

I know from off bat things were not perfect .. However always good enough for me. I'm so glad I was patient and waited . Meeting him in real time last night did not disappoint.

He says he is happy to have met as well. We msged good night afterwards.

I'm hopeful & excited to see what unfolds, I definitely want us to keep going.

The challenge (for want of a better word) is that for a year without ever meeting J ... I knew without any lingering doubts that I loved him.


Some folk who had never experienced anything like this would say its nuts
But now ..having met him, spoken ,and spent an hour with eye contact.

I know with certainty that I do. Its a wonderful experience that I am living.. because if I never see him again, I would still feel privileged for having known this experience.

And if I do see him again.. for however long or short a time it will be. I have in my life a perpetual gift. 🎁

Its a love solved rubix cube , whichever way I turn it the colours are solid

I am happy 💗


[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiiTTPpEtR8]

So while I'm here, I just want to reflect, on my feelings post the video call, and again post meeting.

All these feelings really stem from the difference in our age. After the video call, seeing him, so young made me immediately question things again!! As in - realistically while my feelings for him are clear, where exactly is it - that I could possibly fit into his life?

Although he feels kind of like a boyfriend - I feel to old (way too old lol) to be a girlfriend.

So then - I came back to the fact that it was him that responded to my profile and not the other way around, so then why would someone so much younger twenty-seven years younger choose me?

Of course I know every one goes through phrases especially men, where they venture out into the world and appreciate the opportunity to experience a romantic situation (shall we say) with an older woman. And I cant deny I was instantly attracted to him, his handsomeness, so that was that I suppose.

Only....

As more time progressed I began to not only recognise - but also own the fact that he brought out other feelings in me maternal ones. Seeing him on the video call so young , only compounded this . So it took me sometime after the video call to get my head around this.

I had found myself in an unusual situation🤔


By the time we had met last Sunday via various txts we without direct confirmation - had come to the conclusion that yes emotionally I represented a maternal presence in his life and he emotionally is like a son. Only in his physical presence he is not .. he is simply an attractive Man.

After finally meeting I've concluded that, if we went on to having a relationship I am not and never will be his GF, he is young and has the whole world in his pocket.

His future where he has rites of passages to come these will be exciting times for him. More travel which is as spoke of, young women, hopefully a lovely marriage and who knows a family, which he says he has no desire for children. But who knows the future can ay change his mind. I sincerely wish him all of these things.

For my part I have had, and still have a full where my own plans are in the making, I am happy with my lot. I simply see myself as the older mature woman in his life aside from his mother - who will always ..always be there for him.

To exchange warm moments like we do.. kisses, cuddles and and a never ending love. He confirmed to me that he IS on the spectrum, doesn't worry or bother me in the slightest, knowing affords me more understanding of his strengths and perhaps limitations, I know not to over expect anything demanding from him, not that I am demanding in any case.

I told him -

I will step back, and out of your life is when you meet a young lady and marry. This is the right way to see things. Until now and then, there will never be another man for me .

I am loyal, I love him, will be protective of him, & not hurt him in anyway ❤️


And I would be content with this arrangement as I have only the need for occasional lovely companionship. I have figured that this is my place in his, and he in mine after all a maternal love is likely the most genuine of them all.







[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y39N72hN7iQ]

Thank you for posting this . I met and married a man that I met online and I have no regrets … I do believe that if you manifest what you want in life you will receive it. We will be celebrating one year of blissful marriage Aug11🙏🙌❤️

Read this whole thing. Good luck.

what i will say about the internet dating experience that made me prefer it is there are people who will swear up and down they'll never do it but the thing is I don't understand how things worked BEFORE we had all this technology- hear me out.

See I have former friends in the real world who i've fallen out of contact with due to relocation but let's just say one of my former high school crushes Ashley was such a massive introvert it took me a long fucking time of reading her post and showing an enormous amount of interest to foster an a relationship where she felt comfortable actually telling me things because she was very much so the kind of shy introverted type and I would not have known much of anything about her if I didn't regularly read her contributions to the livejournal space and that's just it we all have anxiety in real life we're all a little bit scared to admit what we're really like and into but have keyboard courage.

so i never knew from talking to her in person she was a sci fi nerd and loved the old shows making fun of all the terrible movies in the scene and into mystery science 3000 and what not except by actually reading what she wrote.

also as a person who would fight like the dickens with a conservative because I am myself highly opiniated and outspoken i really actually NEED rather intrusive questions answered early like what is your political outlook and are you a member of the republican party because if so swipe left- really doesn't matter if I thought you were hotter than the sun I have no interest in dating a republican. there are some things that matter more than beauty.

we reveal more about ourselvs online tban we ever would in person and so I say people are meaner on here often but also simutaniously typically more honest.

Haven't google searched pics yet . I'm actually shaking inside at the prospect.

I havent thought too deeply, because since deciding to check , I havent time. But on the surface if it. If it turns out he is not who he says. I dont think I would dislike him for it.

But cant think any futher right now 🤔

Very interesting. Thank you for such an in-depth view into your personal life. That takes courage 💪👍🤗💞

You may guess, I have my fingers crossed for your future, your loyalty cant go unrewarded.

What a long and exciting journey, which people otherwise miss remaining in wedlock.. hate marriage system for this very reason... Where we could have too been free like other creatures.

He loved you very much. Difficulties arise. People go their own way. You're a desirable lady. Men will always be attracted to you. Live long and prosper. 😊

This is sad yet also could bring hope to those suffering similar situations well written and i hope things get better for you