My feelings for J are Unconditional ❤️ [I Love Unconditionally]
Earlier this evening I came across a question on here (thank you Blind Prophet)that started me thinking about 'unrequited love' It made me stop and deep think my own circumstance.
After checking out a couple of unrequited stories I am able to realise what I am involved in is not exactly 'unrequited love' .. because love / feelings of love are mutual ' the emotions involved are not "unrequited"
However this doesn't say that my circumstance is entirely favourable, because its not.
Where should I start - the long, short, or medium of it? hmmm..
Long as necessary would be best.
It was June last year 2020. in 2017 I had divorced my husband of 18 years (a wonderful Man) However just like many other peoples marriages the season had come to an end.
To allow myself time to reflect & re-adjust my new lifestyle. I decided to remain single for a while. I talked things through with my closest friends who themselves had divorced. Unfortunately has lovely has they are a few had become cynical about marriage and relationships in general.
A year on, I knew me ..being me has always seen the glass full. I missed the fun in companionship. So a year on in 2018 I thought I would give this new fangled concept ' Online Dating ' a try knew it had been around for years. But having previously had no need of it. I found it mindboggling.. to say the least.
With the help of my Niece who had been doing it for years I uploaded a profile. I despite my Niece L 's encouragement I didn't contact any men, explaining to her I came from a generation where the interested man would throw his hat in the ring so to speak.
I was quite happy to wait and see .. I wasn't expecting much. I mean at 50 something you dont really but I soon learned I couldn't be more wrong. before long there were many replies.
I set the age group at 48 - 62 as my ex had been 6yrs younger than me I thought this would be a happy medium . Soon there was a deluge of replies from 20's - 70's. The young I questioned their sanity and discarded straight away. Instead focusing on the mature guys my own age and upward.
I began (what would later become)the task of studying profiles and responding back. I settled on three gentlemen. The 1st one leading up to date I got an uneasy feeling and decided to re-schedule , instead I would spend a lil bit more time before making that decision .
He went from charming to ballistic swearing I would soon find out the other guys on the site where full of s*** and come crawling back to him. Hmmmm ding ding ..in my intuition corner.
The second guy oh dear .. I promised I would call the next day with a venue in mind for our date. But instead fell asleep early and didn't wake in time to call him - The next day he was pleased and accused me of faking interest. hmmm So that just left me with number 3 he suggested really a lovely restaurant in London's west end as we could go in the afternoon and spend the evening getting to know each other.
I wasn't sure .. I felt if I didn't like him I would be stuck in his company for what may feel like forever. Instead I suggested costa coffee , we were in July ..the Sun was Shining I thought we could sit outside under a nice Canopy and chat.
Anyway the short of the story is ..we met & as soon as we did we felt we had known each other all our lives, we had the most wonderful two years, travelling, short breaks, fine dinging were our middle name, and we laughed ..and laughed.
He proposed marriage and I accepted I felt unbelievably lucky that my first and only online date would be a man I could spend the rest of my life with. Only late 2019 I realised he wasn't he was a most fantastic man .. but for me we had reached the end of the road.
So again I gave myself a year to reflect and June 2020 I decided it was time to laugh again. In terms of loving and sharing companionship that wonderful exchange of Male & female energy should never be underplayed. This time I chose an alternative website. Knew how to write up a profile, uploaded some photo's and waited to see.
I went back in time to begin the story because I want you to understand me, my background in relationships & then reflect along with me on how this circumstance I am in now could have possibly happened.
The replies came in and I looked through them discarding , keeping, discarding. When I came across a series of photographs of one man within the same profile.
I looked at his age and thought discard like the others only when I went to click delete .. I went back to another of his photograph's and there I saw it again. I realise now it was as if from somewhere I couldn't place I had known him before somewhere safe and warm.
I decided to drop him a short line . I can almost remember what I wrote it was something. Thank you for liking my profile - you do realise I'm in my 50's hmm maybe you didn't.
I clicked send ..and continued to respond to some other men who were nearer my age. I put him out of my mind thinking he'll realise he had made a mistake, and not respond.
I dont recall when he did respond maybe it was the same day of the day after.
But I was amused to read his reply. I cant recall exactly what his reply was now but it was upbeat. .. and yes he had known my age . He asked me if I had ever dated a younger man . I laughed to myself & to him in emojis ..NO Never.
I dont know what happened much after that response except we messaged regularly and then exchanged numbers.
I could go on ..and on . But suffice to say.. I met other ppl , because every time we would arrange to meet up.
He would suddenly from nowhere he would come up with an excuse. In the end the nature of the excuses became bizarre almost. I decided to continue dating other men . not many less than a hand full . How ever as far as feelings, we had shared moments.
it took months for me to accept that I was in love with J.
He did invite me over to his but .. I wouldn't go. I am old skool where decent women do not go to meet a man for the first time at his home. Long story short again.
Just before the second lockdown he swore he would make it down to my side of the city for a meet up , yet hours before we were scheduled to meet, he began making excuses which eventually lead to him cancelling. I went ballistic I was like "who do think you are fixing and cancelling time after time"
Something must be wrong with you. As I wrote the words .. I for the first time it suddenly dawned on me.
There was something very wrong not emotionally but mentally. I was reminded of my daughter who in recent years had struggled with ' Anxiety ' Why had I not seen the signs?
I wrote to him have you got Social Anxiety? .. I deleted the msg because felt now maybe I was being intrusive. But he had read it & replied
"Yes I am struggle with Social Anxiety and Nervousness.
Suddenly it all made sense. I was reminded of a Young Man I once dated when I was in my 20's also who had also struggled with mental health issues. But he had explained from the onset. I chose not to walk away. He was a remarkable man.
After processing everything . I wrote to J and told him my feelings for him were now unconditional. I wasn't going anywhere... I will still be here when he was ready. We would find a way.
He said it will do it in fits & starts ..we'll get there.
We are almost out of a second lock down. But I am not counting chickens...
I know this has been long. But it is unusual I think.
After checking out a couple of unrequited stories I am able to realise what I am involved in is not exactly 'unrequited love' .. because love / feelings of love are mutual ' the emotions involved are not "unrequited"
However this doesn't say that my circumstance is entirely favourable, because its not.
Where should I start - the long, short, or medium of it? hmmm..
Long as necessary would be best.
It was June last year 2020. in 2017 I had divorced my husband of 18 years (a wonderful Man) However just like many other peoples marriages the season had come to an end.
To allow myself time to reflect & re-adjust my new lifestyle. I decided to remain single for a while. I talked things through with my closest friends who themselves had divorced. Unfortunately has lovely has they are a few had become cynical about marriage and relationships in general.
A year on, I knew me ..being me has always seen the glass full. I missed the fun in companionship. So a year on in 2018 I thought I would give this new fangled concept ' Online Dating ' a try knew it had been around for years. But having previously had no need of it. I found it mindboggling.. to say the least.
With the help of my Niece who had been doing it for years I uploaded a profile. I despite my Niece L 's encouragement I didn't contact any men, explaining to her I came from a generation where the interested man would throw his hat in the ring so to speak.
I was quite happy to wait and see .. I wasn't expecting much. I mean at 50 something you dont really but I soon learned I couldn't be more wrong. before long there were many replies.
I set the age group at 48 - 62 as my ex had been 6yrs younger than me I thought this would be a happy medium . Soon there was a deluge of replies from 20's - 70's. The young I questioned their sanity and discarded straight away. Instead focusing on the mature guys my own age and upward.
I began (what would later become)the task of studying profiles and responding back. I settled on three gentlemen. The 1st one leading up to date I got an uneasy feeling and decided to re-schedule , instead I would spend a lil bit more time before making that decision .
He went from charming to ballistic swearing I would soon find out the other guys on the site where full of s*** and come crawling back to him. Hmmmm ding ding ..in my intuition corner.
The second guy oh dear .. I promised I would call the next day with a venue in mind for our date. But instead fell asleep early and didn't wake in time to call him - The next day he was pleased and accused me of faking interest. hmmm So that just left me with number 3 he suggested really a lovely restaurant in London's west end as we could go in the afternoon and spend the evening getting to know each other.
I wasn't sure .. I felt if I didn't like him I would be stuck in his company for what may feel like forever. Instead I suggested costa coffee , we were in July ..the Sun was Shining I thought we could sit outside under a nice Canopy and chat.
Anyway the short of the story is ..we met & as soon as we did we felt we had known each other all our lives, we had the most wonderful two years, travelling, short breaks, fine dinging were our middle name, and we laughed ..and laughed.
He proposed marriage and I accepted I felt unbelievably lucky that my first and only online date would be a man I could spend the rest of my life with. Only late 2019 I realised he wasn't he was a most fantastic man .. but for me we had reached the end of the road.
So again I gave myself a year to reflect and June 2020 I decided it was time to laugh again. In terms of loving and sharing companionship that wonderful exchange of Male & female energy should never be underplayed. This time I chose an alternative website. Knew how to write up a profile, uploaded some photo's and waited to see.
I went back in time to begin the story because I want you to understand me, my background in relationships & then reflect along with me on how this circumstance I am in now could have possibly happened.
The replies came in and I looked through them discarding , keeping, discarding. When I came across a series of photographs of one man within the same profile.
I looked at his age and thought discard like the others only when I went to click delete .. I went back to another of his photograph's and there I saw it again. I realise now it was as if from somewhere I couldn't place I had known him before somewhere safe and warm.
I decided to drop him a short line . I can almost remember what I wrote it was something. Thank you for liking my profile - you do realise I'm in my 50's hmm maybe you didn't.
I clicked send ..and continued to respond to some other men who were nearer my age. I put him out of my mind thinking he'll realise he had made a mistake, and not respond.
I dont recall when he did respond maybe it was the same day of the day after.
But I was amused to read his reply. I cant recall exactly what his reply was now but it was upbeat. .. and yes he had known my age . He asked me if I had ever dated a younger man . I laughed to myself & to him in emojis ..NO Never.
I dont know what happened much after that response except we messaged regularly and then exchanged numbers.
I could go on ..and on . But suffice to say.. I met other ppl , because every time we would arrange to meet up.
He would suddenly from nowhere he would come up with an excuse. In the end the nature of the excuses became bizarre almost. I decided to continue dating other men . not many less than a hand full . How ever as far as feelings, we had shared moments.
it took months for me to accept that I was in love with J.
He did invite me over to his but .. I wouldn't go. I am old skool where decent women do not go to meet a man for the first time at his home. Long story short again.
Just before the second lockdown he swore he would make it down to my side of the city for a meet up , yet hours before we were scheduled to meet, he began making excuses which eventually lead to him cancelling. I went ballistic I was like "who do think you are fixing and cancelling time after time"
Something must be wrong with you. As I wrote the words .. I for the first time it suddenly dawned on me.
There was something very wrong not emotionally but mentally. I was reminded of my daughter who in recent years had struggled with ' Anxiety ' Why had I not seen the signs?
I wrote to him have you got Social Anxiety? .. I deleted the msg because felt now maybe I was being intrusive. But he had read it & replied
"Yes I am struggle with Social Anxiety and Nervousness.
Suddenly it all made sense. I was reminded of a Young Man I once dated when I was in my 20's also who had also struggled with mental health issues. But he had explained from the onset. I chose not to walk away. He was a remarkable man.
After processing everything . I wrote to J and told him my feelings for him were now unconditional. I wasn't going anywhere... I will still be here when he was ready. We would find a way.
He said it will do it in fits & starts ..we'll get there.
We are almost out of a second lock down. But I am not counting chickens...
I know this has been long. But it is unusual I think.
