Don't mind me

I just woke up and it's too early.
Fvcking timezones, right?
I slept early too. Right after dinner.
Didn't even need an alarm. I woke up waaaay before my alarm. haha
Body clock.
Is there such a thing as body clock? I've heard of it. I'm not sure.
Anyway.

I was thinking, and I'm thinking.
Love, relationships.

Do you remember how many times you've fallen in love?
Do you remember that warm fuzzy feeling in your heart?
Do you remember the smile they put on your face every time you saw them?
(I used to have like a big stvpid grin on my face. haha)
Do you remember thinking, "This is the one for me!" "She is my soulmate!" or "He is the love of my life!"

What happened?
Are you still together?
What changed?
What happened to all the love? The feelings? The emotions? The desire? The attachment? The need to see them, talk to them, be with them, make love to them? Constantly? Every time? All the time?

Then you met someone else, didn't you?
You were probably heartbroken.
You said you would never love again.
You were done with love and relationships because it fvcking svcks!
You were hurt so badly, it took you weeks, or months or years to stop crying and stop being sad.

But then you met somebody else.
And they were nice, and kind, and sweet, and loving.
But it didn't work out either, did it?

You probably found someone else after that.
Maybe that's your current relationship. Or marriage.
Or maybe you're currently single.

But what happened to all the love that you had before?
What went wrong?
Why aren't you still with them?
Was it them?
Or was it you?
Or was it both of you?

It was them, wasn't it?
Yes it was.
It was him!
It was her!
They were the big fvcking problem!
With all the lies and the cheating and affairs and all that.

But what about you?
You did nothing wrong?
See, the human mind is very cunning, isn't it?
Our minds, the way they work - it's easier to blame someone else when something goes wrong, than to take any accountability or responsibility.
Because in our own minds, we're right. We did the right thing.
They are wrong. They were wrong. They will always be wrong.
Because they're fvcking id!ots, aren't they?
We are the geniuses!
We are the pure souls!
They are the piece of sh!t devils that ruined our lives!

Love.
What happened to all that love?
At what point did you stop loving, and start hating?
At what point did you lose the respect you once had for them?
At what point did you stop caring for them, stop missing them, stop thinking (positively) about them so much?

It's something to think about, isn't it?
Why do people fall in love again and again and again and again?
Why don't people fall in love once and get married and be with the same person forever? Until death?
Why the string of failed relationships?
Why so many exes?
Was it really love? Like true love?
What happened?

It does get confusing, doesn't it?
My mind can't even dwell too much on that because it starts to hurt.
But self analysis. Retrospect.
That's where I am right now.
Just think, think, think.
And not just think in my favor. But in the other person's favor as well.
We humans tend to be selfish, aren't we?
We only think nicely about ourselves. But not so nicely about the others.
Because in our minds, we seem perfect, and they seem to have obvious flaws.

The mind. That's where the problem is.
If the mind is pure, and under control, then we can think nicely, taking into account everyone's welfare.

Time for some yoga and meditation!
Oooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmm!
Breathe in! Breathe out!
Close your eyes!
Breathe in! Breathe out!
*farts