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Misusing touch by forcing it to others...

Or by sharing too many frightening stories about rape. Or by taking it too far and not listening to the others' limits - that sometimes doesn't require our hearing but our sensing them, how do they feel with our touch, how do they react to it...
And misusing our touch isn't necessarily sexual. You can prolong a handshake or a friendly hug.
Being aware of our energies isn't easy to everyone.
But everyone, and I am sure about it, everyone can feel when something is unwanted, if they just care about it and are a little bit conscious about the connection with the other.

By misusing our touch, we created a world of fear against it, and we continue by being more and more repellent to it. We created stories and more stories against it, how diseases are spread, laws around consent, clothes, we even made nudity illegal, then houses with fences and security doors and more and more doors.
We distance ourselves from one another and we lost trust that the other is a loving creature, that will not push themselves onto us.
We live in fear of being touched, of fear it is going to turn to some form of violence, as if touch is the point where closeness begins to carry the potential to be dangerous, harmful.
That shouldn't be like this. Just because it is like this, doesn't make it normal. Things could be different. Nature doesn't take precautions against touch. We're a peculiar species. What happened to us, and while everything in nature is trusting themselves one upon the other, what happened to us that made us so cautious, so frightened and tight?
Is it the results of numerous civil wars between our species or is it something else rooted back in Time, as religious books like to narrate?
Touch is a very big thing for me.

I'm not a very touchy person - not even with those that I'm closest to. Having grown up with a physically abusive father, it can take me time to get to the point where I recognise the touch of someone that I'm in a romantic relationship with enough to not jump every time they touch me. I have to ask for their time and patience as I adjust to their touch because it's important that I learn to recognise that when I am unable to see them.

I may choose to learn the touch of other family members and select friends on occasion - mostly because I trust them and feel that I can rely on them when I need them to literally save my life... and I make that clear to them.

Touch can either calm me or trigger me - not all touch is equal to me... and few people can deal with a triggered me, so it's best that things don't get to that stage.

Aside from that... I prefer to not be touched. No hugs or handshakes at all for any reason. It's great that I got the job, but I don't want you crushing my hand because I don't have the muscle tone to stop you hurting me with a firm grip - and I don't want to dissociate and tell you not to squeeze my hand, either. Grab a ruler or something and let me shake the other end of that instead.
Dez580 · 61-69, M
@HootyTheNightOwl I am naturally tactile, but also sensitive to others and know when to touch and more importantly when not to. Even those who want reassurance may not welcome unsolicited touching, but conversing first, which very importantly includes listening before any touching can make a difference
@Dez580 I'm also very tactile, too... just within the boundaries of what I'm comfortable with.

I have to make allowances with every relationship I enter into as to who's touch I am comfortable with and who I don't want to touch me - but who can help me in other ways.

Oftentimes, I can have a rough idea on who's touch I might be okay with and who I definitely don't want to touch me in advance, and I will try that plan and adjust it as needed. Generally speaking, if someone's touch is very similar to someone else's... that's not going to work with me and nor does an uncertain touch. I can sense when others are uncertain with their handling of me and I prefer a certain, confident touch.

I am aware that there are times when my man won't be by my side to help me immediately... and that it could take a few hours for him to get to me in case of emergency, so I generally work through family, friends and colleagues to find people who I trust enough to calm and reassure me if that need arises - this could include literally picking me up off the ground in a worst case scenario. Those are the people that I will learn the touch of and ask for first, depending on who I feel might be geographically closest to me at the time of my need.

On the face of things, it's a creepy looking system to some, when I may randomly ask someone to touch me - but it's a necessary step to ensure that I don't die in the absence of my man.
if they just care about it and are a little bit conscious about the connection with the other.
That's something more and more people sadly don't seem to be capable of, so the fear of being touched against our will is fair...

But that doesn't mean we should be afraid of people to prevent that. We just need to ask for permission and be more conscious about how the other person responds to know when to stop.
Dez580 · 61-69, M
It is always good to read a well written point of view on this site, there are too many rather inane posts , so this one is very refreshing, so thank you for posting it
being · 36-40, F
@Dez580 thank you for taking the time to read it
Dez580 · 61-69, M
@being That is very kind of you to say so. Such a reply is most welcome on the rainy windswept day it is , down here on the South Coast
ABCDEF7 · M
How one feels when touched is their personal thing, you can't define how one should feel when touched in a particular way, so it falls under their personal space.

Everyone should respect others' personal space.
Pfuzylogic · M
i ground my spiritual reality in Genesis for this.
being · 36-40, F
@Pfuzylogic ate from the tree of knowledge... perhaps it wasn't an apple tree but some other plant ?
Pfuzylogic · M
@being Wasn’t that the cause of man’s awareness of being naked.
Adam just felt it.

 
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